


We Are Only Human

by Daria24



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Non-Sexual Age Play, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-12
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2535866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daria24/pseuds/Daria24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end despite the mask and the lies they tell themselves, they are only human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Impressions

There were days Maria swore that the Helicarrier was fueled by the never ending paperwork that came across her desk. Reams and reams of paperwork that she had to read and either sign off on or send back with some notes and questions marked in red like she was grading the thrice be damned reports like a damn high school teacher. Maria snorted, with the maturity of some of her field operatives or scientist that wasn’t a far off comparison. Which in an intelligence agency like SHIELD that was either very funny, very scary, very damn depressing or just a very big cluster fuck combination of all three.

 

Fury might be the Director but she was the ring master of this three ringed circus. It was her job to implement whatever mad plan he had, it was Hard-Ass Hills job to make sure everything ran smoothly and shit got done. No matter the cost, even to her. She was known as a cold hearted bitch for a reason, she had to hold everyone at arms length to get the job done and only a handful were able to crack through that exterior.

 

**_‘Duty is heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather.’_** she had read the quote every day since she had learned to read. Maria had spent a lot of time trying to understand the quote, since it was going to be the first thing her soulmate would say to her. _‘That should be an interesting conversation’_ she thought if that is going to be how it starts.

  


Sitting back and rubbing her temples she swung her chair around to look out the window of her office. Purples and pinks painted the sky as the sun started to set in this part of the world. Right now they were between England and Norway high up in the air, holding station, waiting for word from operatives on the ground in eastern Europe. One operation was a class Alpha  target that needed to be eliminated, the target was a major threat, she should know she was the one that wrote the dossier on Natalia Alianovna Romanova code name “Black Widow”. The woman whose history was clouded in mystery and speculation was a highly trained assassin and spy that for all evidence went freelance after the fall of the USSR.

 

It was the dossier that she created that sent Phil and Hawkeye after the Black Widow and now they had missed their check in. Three days later and the only consolation and or hope she had at the moment was that there hadn’t been any large scale explosions or body counts reported in the area. If Maria was Fury’s right hand, her right hand was Phil and after years working together through the ranks he was her best friend. The unassuming man was the best handler she had ever worked with and as Assistant Director she had given him the truly hard cases to handle.

 

Clint “Hawkeye” Barton was one of those hard cases, by the time she got fed up and assigned him to Phil the man had sent one handler on a psychiatric leave and sent the other three into early retirement. He had been an unmitigated pain her ass causing widespread chaos wherever he went with pranks and generally causing junior baby agents to wet themselves with just a look or a few well placed arrows. After Phil took over though the chaos wasn’t stopped just focused more intently on any unfortunate soul who pissed off Phil and by extension Maria.

 

Despite her protests and attempting to keep him at arms length, Hawkeye had decided she was the older sister he never had after he and Phil realized they were soul mates. Which if Maria was totally honest  she was happy for them and cared for them both. In her personal life they were the closest thing she had to a family, it was a screwed up dysfunctional family but it was hers.

 

The sun had set when her earpiece buzzed knocking her out of her internal musings. “Priority link for you from Agent Coulson ma'am” sighing with relief she thought _‘cluster fuck it was’_ as she quickly rubbed her temples again.

 

“Patch him through and get strike team Alpha on standby” she didn’t hear an acknowledgement of the order before the line went to the waiting buzz of standing by and mentally made note to reprimand the communications rating. One quick beep and she said “Phil what is the sitrep?”

 

“Well we went a _bit_ off mission,” he said in that tone of voice that meant a shit load of paperwork was in her future. The tone was apologetic but not at the same time and not for the first time she wished she knew how he pulled it off.

 

“ _A bit off mission? Phil three days_ ” she deadpanned

 

Sighing he said “Sorry we had to keep silent till we got out and in friendlier territory.”

 

“How friendly?”

 

“American embassy in Switzerland”

 

Maria was professional enough that her head didn’t quite hit the desk with an audible sound “I am not going to like this am I?” Silence from the other end of the line was her answer enough. “Phil how **off** mission are you?”

 

“I need extraction for three.”

 

“Three? Please tell me you and Hawkeye decided to pick up a puppy.”

 

“Not **quite** a puppy.” he said with amusement in his voice and she swore she could even see the smirk on his face. “We will talk about getting a puppy at another time” she heard Phil answer Hawkeye on his end and then heard him chuckle.

 

Hearing her friends chuckle brought a smile to her face despite the situation, “Hawkeye just did his happy dance didn’t he?” she asked amusedly.

 

“Somewhat, we are all a little banged up at the moment.”

 

“We?”

 

“The target surrendered, kinda seemed like she knew we were coming.”

 

“And the banged up part?”

 

“We weren’t the only ones to know where she was…” he left that hanging but she wasn’t going to pull on that thread till they were safe in the Helicarrier and she could smack them up beside their damn heads for worrying her.

 

“So she surrendered? And you are bringing her here?”

 

“That was the plan.”

 

Quickly she put in the orders for Alpha team to go pick them up at a local airstrip “Point Sampson in two hours, Alpha will extract”

 

“We’ll be there. Thanks Maria.”

 

“I hate you Phil, you know that right. I am going to be buried in paperwork because of this for months.” Mumbling to herself “ _Not quite a puppy he says_ ” ” she said cutting the line on his sudden laughter.

  


 

* * *

 

Natalia Alianovna Romanova code name “Black Widow” was most definitely not a puppy, no the worlds deadliest female assassin sat with shoulders hunched and her hands in handcuffs. Handcuffs Maria knew that the woman could have escaped from in minutes if not seconds if she wanted to. _‘But she looks like someone kicked her puppy, well not quite but close enough’_ Maria thought as she watched through the observation window.

 

It was now just after 0300 local time and she had ordered Phil and Hawkeye to their rooms to get some shut eye after medical had cleared them. Though if Maria was honest with herself she highly doubted they were sleeping. _‘Lucky assholes the both of them’_ she thought. But they hadn’t gone till she showed them where Black Widow was and made sure that medical had cleared her as well.The whole situation was beyond weird and she would have thought the two men had been seduced by the Black Widows legendary charms but both men were soul mates so that wasn't it.

 

At this moment she had been up for over 72 hours with only a handful of cat naps and liberal amounts of coffee to keep her going. Maria was tired, but knew she wanted to at least talk to this woman before they moved her somewhere else for the night. Sighing to herself she squared her shoulders and assumed the mask of ‘Hard-Ass Hill’ before stepping out of observation room and back into the hallway.

 

Under one arm she held the dossier she had created on the woman and in her hands a sandwich from the mess and two water bottles. The boys had made her promise to try to get the Widow to eat like they were a pair of mother hens worrying over a chick. The mental image of those two as a pair of mother hens had Maria stomping down on a smirk that almost broke through her mask. No point scaring for life the two guards because they saw her smiling.

Nodding to the guards, she let them open the door for her and shut it behind her. Maria watched as with her entrance the Widow’s shoulders straightened and her face became void of all emotion. With one glance Maria felt that she had been analyzed, weighed down to the ounce and given a threat level in the assassins mind. She kept her eyes locked on the Black Widow’s eyes not backing down from the challenge of wills and surprisingly it was the other woman who looked away first. Feeling a momentary pulse of surprise she quickly schooled her mask more firmly in place.

 

**_“I didn’t know if you might be hungry, I know I am.”_ ** Maria said as she placed the food down on the table between them and tossed the dossier to the side for now. A perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose but Black Widow said nothing as Maria quickly unlocked the handcuffs and placed them to the side as well.

 

Sitting with a sigh Maria opened the sub sandwich and held out both halves of them towards Black Widow. “Pick one” she said. After handing her the half she indicated Maria took a bite of her half of the sandwich to show her it was safe. She waited till after the woman finished eating before leaning back in her chair.

  
“My name is Maria Hill, I am the Assistant Director of SHIELD” she said pushing the dossier to the middle of the table but did not open it. She wanted this woman to know that she knew her. “And you are Natalia Alianovna Romanova code name “Black Widow”. The only woman to survive The Red Room’s “Black Widow Project”. You were trained for infiltration and assassinations from the ripe age of five when you were..”

 

Maria paused trying to think of the right word and silently noted the tightening of her eyes when she said the age five.“Let us call it forcibly enrolled into the program” there it was again the slight tightening of the eyes but nothing else. Black Widow had one hell of a poker face she would give the woman that.

 

“You are at the top of the game with beauty and deadly skill just like your code name. For all the evidence we can find you were loyal to your country till just before its collapse and you have been working freelance since then. But no one knows why you all of a sudden ran. Laying waste to anyone that was sent after you, trust me I got pictures of some of the messes you left behind as a warning, at least that is till now. What changed Natalia?" The question held in the air between them as they held each others gaze again. Another battle of wills silently playing out between them over the width of the table. 

 

**_“‘Duty is heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather.’"_** she said in a voice that almost sounded lost. "And I am **tired** of running, Maria Hill. My ledger is dripping red. Everytime I look in the mirror my demons are there to greet me. Even when I close my eyes I see them.” She closed her eyes and a brief moment of pain flickered across her face. Maria watched stunned as Natalia opened her eyes and the mask was gone. “No matter how hard I run or where I try to hide I can’t run from myself and trust me I have tried”

 

With that one simple statement Maria Hill came to two very shocking realizations. Maria Hill had signed the death warrant on the Black Widow who was a cold blooded assassin, not this broken woman she was faced with, a broken woman who was her soulmate. “You meant for yourself to die when we came for you. Call it suicide by cop. Why?” shock was evident in her voice and she didn’t care, she needed to know.

 

Natalia looked away and Maria watched as she took a deep breath and answered “With all you know about me, about my life, which I can now guarantee you know more than I do” she paused looking back. “With everything I have done, could you live with yourself?”

 

Leaning forward Maria looked Natalia in the eyes, letting her own mask drop. “I don’t know if I could, but we all have our own demons. Some are worse than others" she answered Natalia honestly. Pausing she took a deep breath and thoughts ran through her mind a mile a minute. Her eyes took in the haunted green eyes and the defeated posture of the woman before her. Decision made, she sighed and made a mental note to tell Hawkeye and Phil they made the right call. “But Natalia I can give you a chance to try to wipe your ledger clean.”

 

“Do you think that is even possible?” she said studying my face. An emotion almost like hope in her eyes.

 

“I don’t know. We will need to deprogram you, it will not be easy, you might not survive.” Maria forced herself to say it because she had to accept it as well. If Natalia did this, Maria would be the one signing off on the months if not years of pain she was about to go through.

 

“Nothing worth it is ever easy” Natalia said with a smirk. The smirk was the first Maria had seen from the woman and it made her even more beautiful. Maria shook her head to clear the thought, last thing she needed was for her hormones to kick in right now.

 

"I need to know..." she paused hesitating. Maria's stomach felt like there were butterflies in it. _'Great now the moment is here. My soulmate in front of me and the emotional aspect of this conversation is scaring the crap out of me. Way to go Maria.'_

 

"Yes."

 

"I didn't ask a question."

 

"I don't need to hear the question to know the question." Natalia said as she fiddled with her water bottle. Maria quirks an eyebrow but stays silent. Waiting. Natalia sighs "Yes, you said my mark."

 

Maria let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Reaching across the table she stops Natalia fidgeting "Then I'll be there throughout it all if you want me to be"

 

"Why?"

 

"Because you are mine and I am yours. Everyone deserves someone to be there for them, even you Natalia."

 

 


	2. First Impressions and Other Complications

_Maria let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Reaching across the table she stops Natalia fidgeting “Then I’ll be there throughout it all if you want me to be”_

_“Why?”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Because you are mine and I am yours. Everyone deserves someone to be there for them, even you Natalia” she heard Maria say but even with her looking the woman in the eyes she couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. Natalia sat there with her emotions open and raw like a bleeding wound she could not control any longer.

 

She had been prepared to die when SHIELD came for her, hell she welcomed it, she was so tired. Natalia had plenty of memories that ate away at her ever since she started to remember, memories she couldn’t tell if they were real or not. One memory in particular had haunted her night after night over the last few years.

 

“May I see..” Natalia started to say but found herself unable to complete the question. Moments passed while blue eyes stared into her green eyes and she wondered what Maria was seeing. Did she see the demons? Did she see the monster that she was?

 

Silently she watched as Maria sat back and pulled down the zipper of her field suit never breaking eye contact. Natalia got a glimpse of toned muscle under a tank top as Maria pulled her left arm out of the suit and put her arm on the table for Natalia to see. There on Maria’s arm was undeniable proof that Natalia had a soul mate and that the Black Widow hadn’t killed her.

 

Reaching out slowly she ran a finger along the familiar script and felt tears burning in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She didn’t understand the feelings coursing through her, for as long as she could remember she was the Black Widow the unfeeling assassin. But now, she didn’t know who she was. Was she the Black Widow? Or was she Natalia? Or was she somehow both?

 

Still tracing the script on Maria’s arm she felt so many conflicting emotions; sadness, happiness, fear, hope and anger all wound tightly around her heart. How can someone feel all these emotions all at the same time, she didn’t understand it but she was still learning. Happiness and hope, these were new feelings and it scared the ever living shit out of her. With these feelings coursing through her she decided to be something she never thought of being; open and honest. Maria, her soulmate, deserved that much from her. A chance to see the monster and run.

 

“I spent years studying psychology trying to understand... ** _what_** I am. My closest guess is that I am two people in one. There is Natalia the little girl who was at one time locked away and then there is the Black Widow who was _**born from the programing**_ …” her voice is soft as she continued to trace Maria’s mark letting that one thing ground her.

 

“It was Natalia who one day realized what we had become and ran away and it was the Black Widow who kept us safe, always just one step ahead of those who pursued us. At first I got to live life while the Black Widow was under the surface ready to protect me once again only coming out when our survival depended on her.” Natalia said all of this as she continued tracing the mark.

 

“Over the years, being on the run, the programming weakened further. The walls that separated the two of us started to fade and we have started to become one again. Possibly, I’m actually not quite to sure on that to be honest. I don’t know if we are healing, or becoming something...or someone else. But with the walls fading we also unlocked memories we couldn’t decide if they were real or not. Memories that overwhelmed us, that broke us. At least we now know one memory wasn’t real…” her voice broke and she focused on the mark before her, the mark was real.

 

“Black Widow thought that she had killed you. Another nameless victim in our memories and we mourned that loss.” She felt Maria’s arm tense under her fingers but she didn’t look up afraid to see what was in her eyes.

 

“It was that memory that we couldn’t live with. Out of everything we have done that was by far the worst. And that is why we were ready to die when Hawkeye came to kill us” she said as she closed her eyes finally letting the tears fall. They were tears of happiness, sadness and relief all rolled into one. Natalia felt Maria’s hand under her jaw tilting her head up but she kept her eyes shut afraid of what she might see.

 

“Open your eyes Natalia” Maria’s voice was soft as Natalia felt a thumb rub across her jaw. Taking a deep breath she leaned into Maria’s hand and opened her eyes. Blue eyes met green and in that moment a part of her, deep inside, knew she wasn’t alone. “I am alive and I am not leaving you. _All_ of you are stuck with me.”

 

 

* * *

 

“Code 13, Code 13 Medical” screamed over the PA system as Maria dropped everything.

 

“Phillips you have the watch and cut that damn announcement” she said as she ran off the bridge. The Code 13 could only be because of Natalia and her alter ego Black Widow, it was the second day of seeing the shrinks and she had feared they might push too hard too soon. It sounded like she was right as she listened to the security com traffic. Pressing her com as she ran “This is Hill. Do not engage, I repeat do not engage. Evacuate and secure the area only.”

 

Three decks down later and she came across chaos as doctors and nurses ran for cover. Security in riot gear covered a door that she could hear screaming and crashing sounds coming from. “Coulson status report” she barked as she ducked to avoid a large book as it came flying out of the door.

 

“One of the docs decided it was a good thing to start today with the memory of the Widow killing her soulmate. As you can see that was a bad idea” he deadpanned as they continued to duck behind the riot gear.

 

“Damn it I told them to take it slow. Just because they have to be here doesn’t mean they get to rush the damn job.” Maria took a deep breath and handed over her weapons to Coulson. “Keep the idiots back,” she said as she pushed her way to the front and through security.

 

It had only been a few days since they met but Maria had spent all her available time with Natalia getting to know her. The soulmate bond didn’t mean they instantly fell in love, just that they were perfect for each other, that they would be anything and everything the other needed. It wasn’t going to be easy, they would have to work at it, but nothing worth it was ever easy. For the first year they would have to be near each other but after that...well they would come to that at that time.

 

What she sees clenches at her heart as the Black Widow punches a wall with an audible crunch. Wincing at the sound she knows this situation could go from bad to nuclear fast with the Black Widow in the rage that she was in. She wasn’t stupid she needed to quickly de-escalate the situation and fast.

 

“Widow,” she speaks softly as she holds her arms to her side with palms facing out, trying to make herself look as less threatening as possible. Black Widow crouches down turning towards her, muscles coiled ready to attack. Anger, fear, sadness and loss flash in the green eyes before her. In that moment Maria wasn’t sure who was in control. It was like the control was going back and forth between the hot and cold rage of the Black Widow and a deep never ending sorrow that was Natalia. _“This is sooo not good,”_ she thought as she watched as the Black Widow backed up pushing herself into a corner.

 

“Not real, not real. I killed you. Didn’t mean to kill you, I am evil. Evil, don’t deserve soulmate,” she said desperately going back and forth between russian and english, as one hand came up to grip her hair and the other rubbed her right thigh where Maria knew her mark was. Maria felt tears burn at the back of her eyes and desperately wanted to deck the damn shrink who had this bright idea.

 

“Natalia,” she said softly using the name of her soulmates more human personality trying to bring her out, “I am going to come to you so I can show you I am alive.” She didn’t get a response, just the same desperate sentence and the same movements over and over again. _“The damn shrink better run before I get to him! When I am done chewing him a new one he is going to curse the day he was born,”_ she thought as she slowly made her way across the room.

 

She sat down and reached slowly for Natalia’s hand that was rubbing furiously at her thigh. A high pitched keening sound was heard and before Maria had time to react she had a lap full of sobbing red head. Bringing her arms around the tiny woman she held her close and kissed the top of her head “малютка it's ok. I am here as long as you need me." Maria whispers letting tears silently fall from her eyes. She can feel Natalia’s hands balled up against her field suit as she keeps whispering to the crying woman in her lap.

 

She doesn’t know how long they sat like that, but soon the world’s deadliest female assassin is passed out in her arms. Looking up she realizes security has retreated and the door is slightly closed to give them some semblance of privacy. The cameras are still rolling and caught the whole thing but she can’t seem to bring herself to care. All she cares about at this moment is in her arms fast asleep but she knows they can’t stay like this forever.

 

“Phil,” she whispers and knows that he will hear her because without a doubt she knew he was in the corridor insuring they had a least no one gawking at them. He pops his head in slowly with a look of relief and compassion in his eyes. “I need your help to move her.”

 

“Is that wise?” he asks coming into the room, she can see Clint’s shadow as he replaces Phil guarding the door.

 

“I am taking her back to my room, so I can keep an eye on her and we can be comfortable. Fuck the World Security Council and them having kittens about security and protocol,” she says and hears matching snorts from Phil and Clint. “I really couldn’t give a damn, they are Fury’s headache for this not mine. I’m more concerned what would happen if she wakes up and I’m not there.”

 

Phil just nods and says, “Good point. Clint going to need your help as well to get Maria and Natalia off the floor.” He calls out to his mate and soon the two men carefully lift her up by the elbows making sure not to touch Natalia. Phil makes the necessary security arrangements of clearing her path to her room as Clint is a steady presence at her back.

 

Reaching the room she nods to Clint as the door opens for her. “Thank you” she whispers and he just smiles back as the door closes. Gently she lays down Natalia on the bed and curls up behind her never breaking physical contact. Maria doesn’t realize how exhausted she is till her head hits the pillow and moments later she is also asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

A low whimpering sound broke through her mind bringing her instantly awake. Opening her eyes she realizes that sometime in their sleeping, they had shifted positions with Maria on her back with Natalia curled up into her side and chest. Looking around at first she doesn’t realize what the sound was till Natalia makes the sound again.

 

Looking down she slowly tightens one of her arms around the tiny sleeping assassin, while the other pushes hair away from her face and  behind her ear. “Shh wake up Natalia, open your eyes for me.” Maria felt Natalia go rigid in her arms before she slowly looks up and opened her eyes. Lost green eyes meet her blue and a moment passes before she sees recognition in them. Maria smiles as she gently kissed Natalia’s forehead, “There you are малютка.”

 

“малютка, little one?” asks Natalia as Maria watches her tilt her head to the side, eyebrow arching.

 

Maria smirks, “Yes малютка because for someone with such a large reputation for a bad ass. You sure are quite” she pauses trying not to laugh, “pint sized.” Maria loses the battle with her laughter as she watches Natalia’s face scrunch up and mouths the words pint sized.

 

A slight nip on her pulse point turns her laughter into a moan as she feels Natalia’s weight shift on top of her. Biting her lower lip she looks up as her hands grip tightly onto Natalia’s hips stopping any further movement. Looking into green eyes she realizes this is the Black Widow looking down at her. But she doesn’t flinch or look away. While green eyes stare into blue Maria keeps the mask that shes forced to wear in public firmly locked up, she wants and needs Natalia and the Black Widow to trust her and for that she can’t hide behind the mask.

 

Black Widow runs a finger slowly lightly down her jaw and it takes everything in her not to lean into the touch and look away.  “малютка,” she says finally as a fingers dips down Maria’s neck. “I think….” she pauses as a playful smirk crosses her face. “I think, I like it.”

 

Maria lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding and smiles “I’m glad you do, because you are my малютка” Her statement is punctuated by letting her thumbs to slowly move up and down on the Widows hips.

 

She is forced to bite back another moan as the Black Widow squeezes her thighs putting pressure directly onto her clit. Smirking the Widow leans down pushing the top half of their bodies flushed against each other. “I think I shall call you голубые глаза” she whispers before nipping her earlobe and lightly sucking on it.

 

There is no stopping the moan escaping from her this time but Maria takes a deep breath trying to put the hormones coursing through her body in check. They are playing with fire, she knows they can’t do this now. Even though the Widow and her want it desperately. Its too soon, too fast, her soulmate is hurting and this can’t happen when she is this vulnerable. She knows in her heart it would do more damage now than anything now but good god she doesn’t want that feeling to stop.

 

But damn it Natalia deserves for them to do this right, to take their time, to make this work for the long haul. Groaning she says, “Stop.” The Widow freezes instantly and Maria already misses the sensations but she hammers down her hormones.

 

“Why?” its whispered and it is laced with hurt. Green uncertain eyes meet blue and she knows she has to take back control for all of their sakes. Maria forces herself into a sitting position with her back against the headrest and in all of her movements the Widow is still straddling her lap.

 

“I want to do this right, for **_all_** of us” she says and hears the Widow groan as she drops her head to Maria’s shoulder. Maria can’t help but chuckle and once again feels a nip on her neck. “Widow,” she warns and feels more than hears the woman sigh. “You know I am right.”

 

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it голубые глаза”

 

Maria chuckles again “Blue eyes...I can live with that,” she says trying to break the tension between the two of them.

 

“Good because you are stuck with it,” the Widow says as she sits up but no it’s once again Natalia looking out of those beautiful green eyes. “Thank you,” she says softly before gently kissing Maria’s lips before putting her head down into the crook of her neck.

 

Sighing she brings her arms around Natalia and holds her close knowing she made the right decision.  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any prompts or things they want to see let me know I am open to any ideas.


	3. Pieces of You, Pieces of Us

BOOM! CRASH!

 

Maria was instantly awake flipping over on top of Natalia who had gone rigid from the sound and flipping them off the bed. Maria felt the air rush from her lungs as they landed on the floor but her hand still shot under the mattresses, pulling out the gun hidden there. Safety was off and pointing towards the door that led to what could be called a living room instantly.

 

“Damn it Clint! How can someone so graceful in a fight be such a damn klutz around basic household furniture.”

 

“Hill moved the table, I didn’t see it in the dark!”

 

“Clint it’s bolted down to the damn deck!” she heard Phil exclaim exasperatedly.

 

Sighing she brought her head back down and put the safety back on as she yelled “You better have brought coffee or I might just use you for target practice Hawkeye!”

 

“Coffee was saved, breakfast not so much” called out Phil with humor in his voice, “Take your time, we will wait.”

 

Rolling her eyes she turned her head to look towards Natalia but it wasn’t Natalia looking back. Trying not to sigh Maria put the gun in her thigh holster she had never taken off from yesterday. _‘At least I didn’t sleep on the damn thing. Done that, been there the bruise from it was a bitch’_ she thought.

 

“Are you okay?” she asks softly bringing a hand up to slowly to push red hair behind an ear.

 

“Yes, just a bit...startled”

 

“Sorry about that, the boys mean well and didn’t mean to startle you.”

 

“Not them, you.” the Widow said breaking eye contact and started playing with the zipper of Maria’s field suit.

 

“Me?” asks Maria trying to understand. She knew they both had woken up with the sounds from the living room.

 

“You didn’t hesitate….” she pauses and continues to fidget with the zipper. Maria stays silent waiting as her hand moves down to stop the fidgeting with the zipper and lacing their fingers together resting them on her chest above her heart. “You didn’t hesitate to... _protect me._ ”

 

Maria did let herself sigh this time as she tightens her grip on her soul mate “Look at me,” she commands softly. As uncertain green eyes meet blue eyes she can’t tell who is fully in charge but it doesn’t matter, both of them need to understand this. “You are my mate, my other half and I will always try to protect you малютка, when you need it. Just like in time, when you are able to, you will try to do the same for me. Understand?”

 

Maria doesn’t get an audible answer, but she is in no way complaining as Natalia lightly kisses her lips. Green eyes meet blue for the first time with happiness and only happiness in them. Maria smiles and flips them pressing Natalia beneath her and deepening the kiss as tongues start to dance.

 

CRASH!

 

Maria breaks the kiss with a growl “Damn it Hawkeye if that was you breaking another coffee table I am taking it out of your damn pay!”

 

“No fair it attacked me!” could be heard through the door then a “Ow! Damn it Babe what the hell was that for?”

 

Ignoring the bickering from the old married couple on the other side of the door Maria groans and rests her forehead against Natalia’s. “I’m sorry, but we better get up and get out there before Clint breaks more furniture.”

 

“It’s okay голубые глаза, but only if we can do this again later.” Natalia smirks as she drags a finger lightly down the side of her face.

 

Returning the smirk Maria rolls onto her back and hops to her feet. Turning back around she extends her hand and pulls Natalia to her feet and then up against her body. Maria leans in as if to kiss Natalia, “Maybe,” she whispers turning Natalia towards the bathroom. “Go ahead and wash up first. I’ll go deal with the boys and the inevitable mess that is now our living room.”

 

Her eyes take in the sight before her as Natalia walks with a swing in her hips to the bathroom. Maria is caught staring at Natalia’s ass when she stops in the doorway and looks back over her shoulder “Like what you see голубые глаза?”

 

Blushing she looks Natalia in the eyes and can see a playful gleam in them. “Maybe” she smirks again and watches as Natalia laughs and closes the bathroom door. _‘So playing with fire Hill’_ she thinks to herself.

 

Shaking her head to clear it she goes to her foot locker and pulls it open. Reaching in she grabs her BB handgun, checks the clip then shuts the foot locker. Going to her bedroom door she sees another wrecked coffee table. Bringing the BB gun up she shoots Hawkeye in the ass.

  
“Damn it Hill!” he yelps “those fucking hurt.”

* * *

 

POP!

 

Tilting her head she feels the Black Widow come to the front of her consciousness but she doesn’t take over. _**‘** **BB gun, single round, no threat.’**_

 

A yelp of pain from Clint, “Damn it Hill! Those fucking hurt.”

 

_**‘Well, no threat to us at least’**_ snarks the Black Widow. Laughing Natalia quickly finishes washing her hands and face. Feeling pain she looks down at her right wrist, it is swollen and is starting to bruise.

 

_**‘Don’t worry, it’s just broken, we’ve had worse’**_ thinks the Black Widow _**‘I don’t quite remember how that happened, but the me that is you is blocking most of the pain.’**_

 

_‘Thank you,’_ Natalia thinks back then freezes and can feel the Widow do the same. They have never had a conversation this way before. Writing something down and switching back and forth control, yes. Never this. Conversing together in real time. Neither of them could remember what had triggered what they both called the Awakening but this was something new. _‘Widow?’_

 

_**‘I am here. This is new,’**_ she pauses _**‘our walls must have come crashing down more because of whatever happened yesterday with the shrinks.’**_

 

_‘I’m scared Widow.’_ Natalia says as she looks into the mirror. Green eyes are looking back at her, but they are different somehow. One green eye is hard, cold and just a shade darker. The other is warm, soft and filled with emotion.

 

_**‘It will be okay Natalia, we knew this was already happening. I just think it escalated because of everything going on. Lets go out to our голубые глаза she will be able to help with the wrist.’** _

 

_‘Are you sure?’_ she asks her inner voice tiny and uncertain _‘Will she be scared of this, of us?’_

 

**_‘Yes I am sure and no she will not be scared of us, maybe scared for us but we are her...малютка’_** the Widow replies with slight amused exasperation at their new name.

 

_‘Okay...Thank you Widow’_ Natalia thinks as she brings her arm right arm up against her chest while opening the bathroom door. Walking through the bedroom she can hear talking and laughing coming from the living room.

 

“Don’t worry Hill we already took care of the idiot” says Clint.

 

Natalia hears Maria groan “I am almost afraid to ask but what did you two do to him?”

 

Leaning against the door frame she watches as Maria interacts with Clint and Phil. She wonders if this is what it means to be normal, to be human. **_‘Go on, Natalia. This is our семья’_** nudges the Black Widow.

 

“I darted him. Phil packed up the idiots shit and filled out all the fun forms you types like and then I threw him on the next Quinjet back to Washington.”

 

Laughing at what Clint says she watches as Maria turns around on the couch and smiles at her. _‘семья? Family?’_ she tries out the word mentally and it somehow fits.

* * *

Maria turns around at laughter coming from behind them, she takes in Natalia leaning against the door frame with a smile on her face. _‘Beautiful’_ is all she can think but something about the image bugs her. That is when she notices Natalia cradling her bruised and swollen right wrist against her chest. _‘How the hell did I forget about her punching the wall yesterday?’_ she thought mentally kicking herself in the ass.

 

Standing she walks over to their mini fridge and pulls out an ice pack. Going to the other couch she sits down and says “Come here baby,” as she opens her arms. Natalia comes and sits down in her arms, head resting on her shoulder she puts her hand on the ice pack in Maria’s lap. “Why didn’t you two say anything?”

 

She feels Natalia shrug at the question. “I didn’t feel it…” she pauses taking a deep breath. “Widow says she was taking care of the pain for me.”

 

“Widow says?” Maria asks trying to understand.

 

“Yes, I can hear her in here now” Natalia said as she touched her head with her left hand. “We think that whatever happened yesterday brought our walls down more.”

 

“Okay I think I am following. This hasn’t happened before?” Maria asks wondering if this meant that deprogramming will go faster now and without or with less episodes like yesterday. At least she hopes that is the case. It tore her apart yesterday to watch her mate in that much pain.

 

“Nope. But she says we will need to go to Medical, since it's broken. She doesn’t quite remember how she did it, but she knows it was her since it is the right hand.”

 

“I know how you did it” interrupts Clint with a smirk. “Widow punched a steel wall and left a dent” his voice filled with a little bit of pride.

 

“Clint not helping,” Maria groans as she puts her head back closing her eyes. Silently she is wondering what the hell the Russians did to her soulmate. Rage or not, she shouldn’t have been able to leave a dent in the steel walls of the Helicarrier. Super soldier serum? It was possible they only had an eighth, if that, of the original Black Widow files. And light only knows that every government was trying to recreate Captain America after WW2.

 

“What? Its impressive!” he exclaims. Maria opens her eyes and levels a glare at him “Shutting up now”

 

“Good, now what do you mean ‘since it was the right hand?’”

 

Natalia shrugs again “As far as we can tell, Widow is the right and I am the left.”

 

“Okay” she says again and feels like she will be saying that a lot for sometime. “Alright breakfast will have to wait, medical first…” she says but is interrupted by Phil.

 

“Coulson,” he says pressing his hand to his com. “Copy that, stand by for Hill. Sorry Maria, but we are needed on the bridge. Seems like the situation in Kosovo just went critical, Sharon just called in an Alpha level threat.”

 

“Damn it, of course it did. I told Fury it was going to get ugly,” she said catching the extra com that Phil tossed her and putting it in her ear. “This is Hill, we will be there in ten minutes. I want the Helicarrier brought to battle readiness level two and I want a conference set up by the time we are on the bridge with Fury and Agent 13.” As she finishes her orders the action lights are flashing orange in their quarters.

 

Sighing she turns to Natalia and presses a kiss to top of her head. “I’m sorry малютка but I have to take care of this.”

 

“ _‘Duty is heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather.’_ It’s okay голубые глаза, I understand.”

 

“You would, wouldn’t you?” she asks standing up. Gently she helps Natalia up off the couch and kisses her lightly on the lips. Turning she looks at Clint, “Can I trust you to take her to medical and make sure she is taken care of?”

 

“Of course,” he says kissing Phil quickly and shooing them out the door.

 

Maria follows Phil as they head to the door. Pausing at the door she looks back and is awarded with a smile from Natalia. “I’ll be fine, go.”

 

“I got this. You two go save the world,” says Clint.

  
Shaking her head Maria takes a deep breath, squares her shoulder and becomes ‘Hard-ass Hill’ before stepping out the door. 

 

 


	4. Mischief, Mayhem and General Cluster Fuckery

_Maria follows Phil as they head to the door. Pausing at the door she looks back and is awarded with a smile from Natalia. “I’ll be fine, go.”_

_“I got this. You two go save the world,” says Clint._

_Shaking her head Maria takes a deep breath, squares her shoulder and becomes ‘Hard-ass Hill’ before stepping out the door._

 

* * *

 

Natalia let her shoulders sag after the door closed behind Maria. Taking a deep breath she tried to examine the feeling that she had now sitting in her chest. It was a new feeling, it made her feel happy and worried all at the same time.  

 

“They will be okay Nat,” Clint says as he places a hand on her shoulder giving it a light squeeze.

 

“I know, I am just not use to…”she pauses not sure what to call it.

 

“Being on the sidelines?” he offers with a knowing smirk. Clint opens the door and she follows him as they make their way to the MedBay.

 

“There is that but it’s something else..” she pauses again trying to put a word to her feelings at the moment. “I feel happy and worried at the same time, I don’t understand it.”

 

“Its called caring, Natalia. You care about what happens to Maria. Just as I know she cares about what happens to you. It is a normal feeling.”

 

“Never had someone to care about before, let alone someone to care what happens to me...I’ve read about it but never had it.”

 

Clint’s smile softens before saying, “Yeah I know, it has been a couple years and I still haven’t gotten use to it” She watches as he shakes his head to clear the thoughts. “Come on lets get you to medical to get that looked at. I want to be the first one to sign the cast.”

 

"Sign my cast?" she asks confused. "Why would you want to sign my cast?"

 

"Yes, sign your cast. It's a tradition. When you break a bone and it has to be casted those that love and care about you sign it to wish you well. So that way when you are dealing with the pain you can look to the cast and know you aren't alone."

 

“But why would you want to sign my cast?” Natalia asks not understanding.

 

Clint stops them in front of the MedBay doors and turns towards her, searching her eyes for something. Silently Natalia wonders what he is looking for. Is it the same thing Maria keeps looking for in her eyes?

 

“You are Maria’s mate, so you are now family, and family is everything. Always remember that Natalia, family is everything” he says softly before he opens the door to medical.

 

 _‘There is that word again...family. Is it really that simple?’_ Natalia asks.

 

 **‘The Hawk is correct Natalia. I told you earlier they are now our family,’** responded Widow.

 

 _‘But how do we know? We never had one before,’_ she asks the Widow but there was no response. Natalia shakes her head and follows Clint.

 

One of the doctor notices them and blanches. "Oh no, what do you need Barton?" he asks with dread in his voice.

 

"Don't worry Doc Jones nothing for me today," he pauses smirking. "At least not yet, day is still young” he shrugs before continuing “But nope Widow here needs to get her wrist looked at. Pretty sure she broke it giving a love tap to the Helicarrier yesterday."

 

Sighing Doc Jones looks between the two of them and waves them to an exam room as he stops a nurse and orders x-rays.

 

“Do you want to play a game?” Clint asks a few minutes later in a robotic type voice.

 

Tilting her head to the side Natalia looks at Clint and asks “Why are you talking like that?”

 

Clint gives her an incredulous look before shaking his head, “You’ve never seen the movie ‘WarGames’?”

 

“Nope, I have probably only watched a handful of movies over my lifetime.”

 

“Now that is just criminal!” he exclaimed waggling a finger at her “We are so working on your pop culture references after we are done here.”

 

* * *

“Status report!” she asked as she walked onto the bridge with Coulson. Silently watching as ratings and agents scrambled even faster around the bridge as they saw the arrival of ‘Hard-Ass Hill’.

 

“Conference is set up in your office Ma’am. Director Fury is on a quinjet to rendezvous with the Helicarrier eta 3.5 hours. Also Agent 13 is standing by at safe house Delta” says Phillips as he updated the status board of assets on the ground and on the ship ready to be deployed.

 

“Acknowledged” she said as she quickly glanced at the status board. “Coulson, with me. Philips you have the watch.”

 

“Aye Commander Hill, I have the watch,” she heard Phillips acknowledge as she strode into her office.

 

“Hill, Coulson” says Fury from one screen. The use of their last names letting them know this conference was going to be by the book even though they were all ‘family’.

 

“Director” they both said as they sat down looking towards the other screen. Maria took in Agent 13’s dirty face and noticed she had half a dozen small cuts on her face that were visible. Commander Hill knew the injuries weren’t serious, but Maria Hill wished that Sharon Carter would for once be careful. She'd like to see the woman that was her sister in all but blood return once from a mission without an injury.

 

"Agent 13, what is the situation?” asked Fury before she could give Sharon shit about being injured again.

 

“Not good Director. I’ve confirmed at least two mass killings and heard rumors of at least a dozen more. I have a woman and her children that were witnesses for one mass killing in protective custody right now and trying to track down at least a dozen more.”

 

“Are the witnesses safe?” asked Maria internally cursing, civilians were always the ones caught in the middle in any armed conflict, and she hated it.  She knew it was going to get bad but she had been praying to any deity that would listen to prove her wrong.

 

“I have them in safe house Charlie, Commander Hill with Field Team 6 watching them while I have Field Team 5 with me at Delta. But I would appreciate a way of getting them the hell out of here including my teams. We were made at the last site and had to fight our way out with the witnesses. We have some injuries but were lucky with no casualties.”

 

“How bad are the injuries?” asked Coulson as he pulled the map of the local area up on another screen.

 

“Everyone is a little banged up I have one CatBeta, and fourteen CatCharlies” stated Sharon dropping into doctor mode. “As I said we were lucky.”

 

Maria agreed, they had three categories to describe medical emergencies. CatAlpha was the most serious the ones that needed immediate help, CatBeta was the next that was serious but not life threatening, with CatCharlies being minor injuries. Getting out of a firefight with only a CatBeta and the rest CatCharlies especially with children involved, they were lucky.

 

“Who and where is the CatBeta?” asked Coulson studying the map.

 

“Here at Delta, stable for the moment,” Sharon replied not quite looking fully at the screen and not fully answering the question, and Maria Hill knew why.

 

“Agent 13” she growled in her Commander Hill voice. Maria hated pulling that voice with Sharon but sometimes she had to when the woman was injured and being stubborn, apparently she was worse than a few cuts to her face.

 

Sharon rolled her eyes and smirked, “Fine, I am the CatBeta. Got a GSW to my upper right thigh but it missed anything vital.”

 

“Coulson, what do you think?” asked Fury.

 

“Strike Teams Alpha and Delta to extract at the old warehouse down the road from both houses. With Bravo standing by at the American embassy and we can use that as the backup extraction point as well.”

 

Fury studies the map on one of his own screens for a moment. “Make it happen. Who do we have to run point?”

 

“Thats the problem,” Maria sighed leaning back into her chair. “The only one we have _technically not_ on the medical list or already out in the field with enough seniority is me.”

 

“I was afraid you’d say that Hill. I am going to need you on this one” Fury says as Sharon gives her a questioning look but Maria shakes her head.

 

“I know Director.” Maria says as she looks down and catches herself rubbing her left arm but she doesn’t stop. The small act is keeping her internal panic attack from escaping her control. The bond is still too new, to be this far away this soon will physically hurt. Even the thought of putting Natalia in pain is killing her inside, but they didn’t have a choice. **_‘Duty is heavier than a mountain, death lighter than a feather’_** she thought and somehow she knew those words were always going to haunt them.

 

* * *

“Tactical Knife Hot Potato, really Clint?” says Maria as she walks into the exam room grabbing the knife mid air and tossing it back to him without even looking. Natalia turns slightly smiling at her and Maria finds herself smiling back.

“Don’t knock it,” says Clint with humor in his voice “it’s my favorite childhood game!”

“Clint I’ve said it before, that is just fucked up” Maria says snickering to him as she pulls on Natalia from behind into her chest with her arms wrapping around Natalia’s waist. “малютка” she whispers into Natalia’s ear feeling the tiny woman’s body relaxing back into hers.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath Maria lets her body relax, letting herself for just a moment not to feel the weight of everything on her shoulders. Another deep breath she opens her eyes, "Clint can you go find Doc Jones for me? I need to brief him, we will have injured inbound soon."

"Sharon?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"GSW to upper right thigh, but the way she said it...” Maria smirks at Clint letting the little bit of humor she felt in her voice “five bucks says it's actually her ass."

"Oh no. I am so not taking that bet!" says Clint as he walks past them out the door. "I'll even go see what's taking them so long with Nat's wrist."

"Thank you" she calls out as she feels Natalia turn around in her arms to look at her. Green eyes meet blue and Maria can tell both personalities are looking at her out of them and that fact gives her a strange feeling of hope and comfort.

"You have to leave," Natalia whispers. It's not a question, it's a statement of fact but Maria still nods closing her eyes resting her forehead against Natalia's. She feels Natalia cupping her cheek and she leans into it, kissing the hand.

"Our bond is still new, you might feel some pain while I am away. I don't want to cause you pain, but I am literally the only one we have that can go and it is family down there.”

"Open your eyes, голубые глаза" commands Natalia before lightly kissing Maria's lips. Maria complies with the request because she will never be able to deny her малютка anything, if it was hers to give it. Blue eyes meet green trying to convey to each other everything they feel at that moment. “Just be careful and come back to me," Natalia whispers with their lips just a breath apart.

"I will" Maria whispers the promise before gently kissing her.

A knock on the door, interrupts the moment and Maria tries not to level a death glare as Doctor Jones comes in with Natalia’s x-rays. She feels her tiny mate turn around in her arms but she continues to lean back keeping contact. Maria kisses the top of Natalia’s head before asking “What’s the verdict doc?”

“We confirmed the break and we do need to reset the break before we can put it in a cast. I just need to know if Ms. Romanova is allergic to any pain medicines so we can give her something before we reset the break.”

Maria looks down and can see that Natalia has her head tilted to the side a moment passes. “Widow says that we aren’t allergic to pain meds, they just don’t work on us we burn right through them. She says to go ahead and reset the break. Pain is nothing new to us, we are use to it” she finished saying with a shrug.

Maria tightens her arms and kisses the top of Natalia’s head while looking towards Doctor Jones and to his credit he doesn’t even blink at what is said instead he asks “Alright Ms. Romanova how do you want to do this?”

Natalia turns around in her arms “Will you..”

“You don’t even need to ask,” Maria says as she kisses Natalia on the forehead. “Just put your head against my shoulder.” Maria feels Natalia bury her face in her shoulder as she holds out her arm to Doctor Jones. Maria kisses the top of her head and nods to the doctor.

 **  
**A loud SNAP is heard as he sets the break and Maria hears a whimper from Natalia that stabs at her heart before the woman goes limp in her arms. Holding her close Maria whispers “I got you малютка.”

 

 

 

 


	5. Promises to Keep

Clint had watched from the doorway as the newest member of their family made only a whimper before passing out in Maria's arms. He now watches as Maria holds Natalia close before picking her up like a child and gently placing her on the bed. He watches shaking fingers as they slowly brush red hair away from blocking Natalia's face as a whisper is heard "I got you малютка" before a kiss is placed on sleeping lips.

 

Clint watches as Maria takes a deep breath before shoulders square and he knows that once she turns around "Hard Ass Hill" will be there and not the sister of his heart. The woman behind the mask who protects those she calls family because by blood she had none worth mentioning. The woman who he watched as the mask she was forced to wear daily took it's toll and was slowly killing her from the bone deep emptiness she felt inside, but never talked about. She had a makeshift family with Sharon, Fury, Peggy, Phil and himself but they were the band aid on the wound she hid deep inside her. Finding Natalia seemed to be starting to heal Maria and that was giving Clint hope that she would be in time okay.

 

Turning she looks to Clint and he feels himself standing up just a little bit straighter before he silently nods to the unspoken request. _'Protect her while I can not.'_ Its unspoken but they are family and he knows how to read her, he has always been able to read her. Its why he was such a pain in her ass...he was her comic relief in the day, even if she wouldn’t and couldn’t admit it.

 

"Dr. Jones walk with me while I brief you," she says and is out the door. Clint knew there was never a question in her mind that the doctor would follow.

 

Once the room is empty again he pulls one of the uncomfortable chairs of the MedBay closer to the bed and sits. With one hand he gently holds Natalia's left hand letting her know that even asleep, that she wasn't alone. _'Family is everything.'_ he thinks to himself. As his other hand pulls out one of his many knives and starts twirling it between fingers.

* * *

"Coms and weapons check" Maria ordered as part of her listened in while she checked her weapons one last time. "Agent 13 we are thirty minutes out, prepare for extraction."

 

"Copy thirty minutes, standing by."

 

Time seemed to crawl by as the quinjets made their way to the abandoned warehouse. Maria fought to keep her mind fully on the mission but a part of her just wouldn't listen and she didn't have the heart to stomp down on that part. She silently sat watching time slip by as a part of her wished she was back on the Helicarrier watching over Natalia instead of here but even though this was her duty it was also about family.

 

Pressing her com "Agent 13, we are ten minutes out, make way to point whiskey."

 

"Copy making way to point whiskey" Five minutes more dragged out before "Shit! Welcome Wagon be advised we will be coming in hot, unknown number of hostiles. Get the children down between the seats! Call out the contact!"

 

Commander Maria Hill listened to the com traffic continue between Agent 13 and her teams as they drove through the ambush. Clicking off the safety on her rifle. "Queen2 covering fire. Queen1 will land and drop the hatch. Marcus and Koschek take the 50's rest of Alpha cover right, Delta cover left. Agent 13 we are leaving the vehicles have your team grab a noncom and make a run for it, we will cover you," she heard acknowledgment to her orders as teams stood weapons ready for the drop.

 

"Copy that Commander, be advised I don't have charges to demo the trucks" she heard the acknowledgment over the crackle of gunfire. "You heard the Commander pair off! Time for a little bit of cardio boys and girls!"

 

The Commander rolled her eyes at the bad joke, "Copy no demo charges. Michaels you and me are on that little detail" she said just before the hatch dropped and the quinjet bounced slightly on the ground. "MOVE!" she ordered as the crackle of gunfire increased in volume.

 

Instincts that were born and tested in the crucible of combat took over as her gun was brought up and she squeezed lightly on the trigger in small bursts. The Commander was out in full force pushing all other thoughts deep inside while the fire and ice of combat took over.

 

She watched as the vehicles came barreling around a corner followed by armed trucks. A fresh burst of fire from the trucks had Agent 13 cursing over her com "Richards keep that damn kid down."

 

"Queen2 take out those damn trucks" the Commander ordered and was answered by twin explosions. Their own suburbans came closer, they were shot to hell but the hidden armor seemed to be working for the most part. The vehicles came to a screeching halt and twisting in the dirt as they put engines towards the attackers so opened doors could be used for cover. "Michaels we're up!" she yelled as she moved forward changing clips mid fire.

 

“Noncoms and injured clear!” yelled Agent 13.

 

The Commander heard the clear signal over the coms as she pulled out a demo unit and set it on a four minute timer. “Pull back!” she ordered backing up and firing still. Her boots hit the hatch just as the bullets tore through her, one through her right shoulder and the other her right leg. “Son of a Bitch that’s going to leave a mark!” she yelled still firing as she fell backwards onto her ass. A grenade landed between the trucks and quinjet and she quickly covered her face before the blast sent her head hitting the floor of the plane. Dazed she shook her head trying to clear it , as she felt hands grab at the shoulder handles of her tactical suit, pulling her back into the plane as she growled the order “Get us the fuck out of here!”

  
She felt hands pulling at her suit and gear roughly as pressure was pressed against her wounds. A scream tore through her throat as pain shot through her right shoulder and just before the world went black she thought _‘Damn it, Widows going to kick my ass...Natalia I'm sorry...'_

 

* * *

 

Natalia slowly broke through the pain and started to wake up, she felt her left hand being held but he hand was too big and rough to be Maria’s. Opening her eyes she turned her head to see Clint sitting next to her twirling a knife like she seen someone do with a pen.

 

“Hey sleepy head” he says as he briefly squeezed her hand. The sensation it gave her brought a small smile to her face. “How are you feeling?”

 

She blinks a few times at the question, not fully understanding it so just decides to shrugs. “How long was I out?” she asks as she sits up.

 

Clint shrugs, “Not long about thirty minutes give or take.”

 

 _ **‘Thats longer than normal’** _ says Widow.

 

_‘What do you mean?’_

 

**_‘We’ve, well I had this done before I was only out for ten’_ **

 

_‘Could it be because I am aware as well? We already knew I have a lower pain tolerance.’_

 

 _ **‘Maybe. I’m not sure. I guess we will see in time. High pain tolerance and all for me, that still hurt like a son of a bitch. So I don’t want to do that again, anytime soon.’**_ Widow says with feeling.

 

Snickering Natalia thinks _‘Agreed’._

 

“Hey no fair having silent conversations with yourself, please share with the rest of the class” whines Clint.

 

Natalia giggles and then throws her hand over her mouth blushing. Which makes Clint bust up laughing. “Shut up” she says punching his shoulder.

 

“Ouch, damn it even left handed that hurt. Sorry it’s just worlds deadliest female assassin and you giggled!” Clint said laughing again as he quickly stepped back to avoid another punch. “Alright, alright no more laughing but seriously what was that convo about?”

 

Rolling her eyes Natalia says “Widow says we were out for longer than usual. We were discussing if it was because it’s not just her in control but also me. But we aren’t in any damn hurry to test out that theory.”

 

“I don’t blame you on that one,” he says walking towards the door. “I am going to go get Doc Jones and tell him you are ready for that cast, then its food and cartoons.”

 

“Cartoons?” she asks.

 

“Oh Natalia,” he says shaking his head with a somewhat sad look in his eyes. “Just wait, you’ll see and I promise you will like it” he says walking out the door.

 

 _‘Why does everyone look at me like that?’_ she asks.

 

The Widow sighs before saying **_‘Natalia, how we were raised was not normal, you know that from the psychology books we’ve read.’_**

 

_‘I know. So?’_

 

**_‘They have that look because no fault of our own we remind them that we never had a childhood or anyone to love us. We are learning since the awakening but we missed out on a lot.’_ **

 

 _‘So I missed out on a lot’_ she mentally shrugs _‘I doubt any of these people had fully normal childhoods if they are doing this with their lives.’_

 

 _ **‘Probably a somewhat accurate assumption, but these are the type of people that do this also so what happened to us doesn’t happen.’**_ Widow pauses and Natalia gets the feeling she is choosing the next words carefully. **_‘Natalia you don’t remember yet but with our walls crashing eventually you will and for that I am sorry but we suffered more than any child should have to.’_**

 

 _‘I’m sorry Widow. What do I do?’_ Natalia asks unsure.

  
_**‘Learn to be human, Natalia for both of our sakes. Let our голубые глаза and those she calls family show us.’** _

 

* * *

 

 Phil kept his face impassive as he heard the com traffic from Maria’s mission as it went from by the book to what she called _‘a giant cluster fuck’_. It wasn’t anyones fault there was just too many unknowns and they were doing this on the fly.

 

“Son of a Bitch that’s going to leave a mark!” he heard Maria curse and knew that she had taken a hit, inwardly he cringed as he looked to the status board and wished Fury would hurry the fuck up already and get here. An explosion was heard over the coms that even sent Phil’s ears ringing so someone had to be almost on top of the damn thing. Shaking his head to clear the ringing he heard a groggy growled order from Maria of “Get us the fuck out of here!” A few minutes passed with chatter from the pilots trying to get the quinjets cleared of the area and brought back to the Helicarrier.

 

A scream cut over the coms, that Phil could swear was Maria. He didn’t even realize he was doing it till he pressed his com “Commander Hill, status report.” He was greeted by silence and he clenched his hands once, twice fighting the internal panic he was feeling. “Agent 13, status report!”

 

“We are inbound with injured. Upgrading status now stand by,” she said her voice cold and distant. Phil knew she was in triage mode now.

 

“Standing by” he said in his com while looking to Phillips “Put Medical on alert we have..”

 

“Base we are redlining the engines. We have one CatAlpha, four CatBetas, twenty two CatCharlies and one KIA. Inbound eta forty minutes or less. Damn it Simmons! Pull that tourniquet tight. Koschek push down on her shoulder this is the Commander, the old lady can take the pain,” she growled.

 

Phil took in a deep breath knowing that Maria was the CatAlpha and that they had already lost one agent and he wasn’t about to lose another. Turning towards Phillips he ordered “Get this ship on a heading to meet them to cut down their flight time and relay the course to the pilots then alert medical.”

 

Pressing his com, “Details on the CatAlpha and CatBetas” he asked as he got ready to take down the information.

 

“CatAlpha is the Commander. GSW to the right shoulder through and through. Another GSW to her right thigh, with tourniquet. Shrapnel wounds to front of body and possible concussion.” she paused to yell more orders on her end. “CatBetas other than me are shrapnel wounds and burns to extremities, but nothing too bad. Everyone else just has an assortment of bumps and bruises.”

 

“Copy list of injured. Medical is on stand by. We are moving to meet you, your inbound eta is now fifteen minutes.”

 

“Copy inbound eta fifteen minutes. Have medical ready with blood for the CatAlpha.”

 

* * *

 

The plaster was drying when Natalia started not to feel well. _'Widow something is wrong..'_

 

 ** _'I feel it as well but it might be because we are so far from our mate. Maria did say it was possible'_** said Widow just as the ready lights started flashing red. **_'And that's not good. Red flashing lights are never a good thing.'_**

 

Clint dug out his com unit and as she watched his face Natalia felt Widow take over as the Widow felt they were in danger. "Hawkeye what's wrong?"

 

He looked up and looked into her eyes. Widow knew that he was seeing the killer mainly look out of green eyes. She met him stare for stare and didn't blink until he shook his head. "Widow?"

 

"Yes"

 

"That's the med alert going off there is injured inbound from Maria's mission."

 

"How bad is голубые глаза?" she interrupted. Widow felt Natalia start to panic and tried to calm her.

 

 _ **‘Natalia breath with me,’**_ she thought **_‘I need you to do that for me or we will pass out.’_** Widow got no response just the overwhelming sense of panic and loss.

 

"Why do you think she was injured?" he asks watching her closely.

 

"Because before the lights started up Natalia and I felt something was wrong but we couldn't place it. We thought it was the separation starting to affect us" Widow said as she started to rub at her chest.

 

"Widow! What's wrong?" he asks starting to come towards her.

 

“Natalia is panicking and we are proving our earlier theory in spades” Widow says through clenched teeth and feels Natalia’s panic overriding her control.

  
“Clint we can’t lose her. We just found her after we thought she was dead.” Natalia cries as she gasps for air. She felt her body start to shake as strong arms gripped her, holding her before the world went black once again.


	6. Promises Kept

Phil was there as the quinjet with the wounded landed and had to watch as Maria was automatically rushed off to surgery to stop the bleeding. While duty forces him to stay and make sure everyone and everything was taken care of, a part of him wishes he allowed himself to be selfish and to follow the gurney rushing away.

 

“Agent 13 get on the damn gurney!” he growled out at Sharon, his patience wearing thin as she refused to leave.

 

“My men..”

 

“I got them,” he said squeezing her shoulder. “Please, go get checked out.”

 

“Fine but only because you asked so nicely” she says dryly.

 

Phil feels his lips twitch but pushes his mask more firmly in place. _‘Smartass’_ he silently thinks as he watches Sharon be helped onto a gurney and wanted to smirk as he realizes that she got shot in the ass. He can just imagine what his smartass mate will have to say about that wound. Shaking his head, he goes back to directing the organized chaos that was his hangar bay at the moment.

 

Only after everyone was carted off the plane did he go inside to see who the KIA was. Kneeling down he lifts the blood covered sheet and looks down into the glassy eyes of Michaels. _‘At least he is a Class Three,’_ he thinks to himself and then hates himself for it, but at least he didn’t have to order an immediate suicide watch on his mate. Sighing he pulls the sheet back over glassy eyes and finally lets the honor guard come in to collect him. An american flag is draped over the body and he salutes as it passes.

 

Taking a deep breath as he closes his eyes he lets himself for a moment feel the pain of the loss of the agent, but he doesn’t have time for more than a moment. He had the living to deal with and at the moment they were enough. Maybe later after this _‘cluster fuck’_ was over and in the privacy of his and Clint’s rooms will he let himself let go of his control.

 

Taking another deep breath he opens his eyes, looking around he sees nothing else that needed dealt with at the moment. And only then does he let himself start making his way to medical. “Clint what’s your twenty?” he asks over his com.

 

“Still in the MedBay with Natalia” he answers and Phil knows by the tone something isn’t right.

 

Biting back a sigh he answers “On my way.”

* * *

 

Ten minutes later and having to push his way through the now organized chaos of medical he finds himself in the doorway of the only room that doesn’t have nurses or doctors rushing in and out of it. Phil takes in the sight of his big, burly, bummeling mate as he gently cradles Natalia in his lap as he whispers something to her. He watches for a moment and lets his face relax because Clint hardly lets anyone see this side of him. He wears a mask just like the rest of them, his was just of the bad-ass class clown.

 

“Hey you,” Phil whispers getting the attention of Clint. Brown eyes meet brown as Clint looks up and Phil can see his shoulders relax just that tiny bit more. Phil smiles softly before asking, “What happened?”

 

“Panic attack,” he says softly before saying in firm voice “but I think we might have another problem.”

 

“What is that?” asks Phil as he closes the door before walking over to Clint.

 

“I think they are a Class Two, maybe a Class One”

 

Phil sighs as he sits on the edge of the bed and places his head on Clint’s shoulder. “Are you sure?”

 

“As sure as I can be. It has only been what three….four days since they met. But Natalia _knew_ something was wrong before the red alert started flashing and the feeling was bad enough that Black Widow came fully alert and in charge.”

 

“Shit, that is not good.”

 

“Tell me about it, I am just happy she recognized me as a non-threat. But Natalia apparently started panicking and Widow couldn’t keep control. Her panic literally dragged them both under with only the occasional whimper,” he finishes with a whimper from Natalia to punctuate the point.

 

Phil watches as Clint kisses Natalia’s forehead before humming a tune. It takes a moment before he recognizes the tune and snickers. “‘You are my Sunshine’? Really Clint?”

 

“It is all I could think of in a pinch and that only because it’s what you hum when making breakfast when we are home.”

 

“I do not.”

 

“Oh yes you do Babe, and it’s quite adorable.” Clint says as his head rests on top of Phil’s. It is moments like these that make Phil wish they could retire and spend their days being goofy and in love. But it wasn’t meant to be, because their commitment to doing the right thing, overrode everything else. It was just who they were, the commitment was for different reasons but it was for the same as well.

 

“If they are a Class Two or even a Class One, we are going to have to watch them closely. Especially while Maria is recovering because these two are just as hard headed as each other and if they can feel each others physically…” he lets the rest of the sentence hang in the air. His mind already going through the classifications and what they meant.

 

Class Three bonds were the easiest and hardest. Easy because they didn’t feel each others emotions or physically which meant if something happened to the one mate, the other didn’t die right out right away or need to be watched for suicide. It was also the hardest because you never knew what was happening till after it happened.

 

Class Two bonds were a mixed blessing or curse depending on if it was emotion or physical the pair felt. The pair had a feeling or idea what was going on but if something happened the other mate needed to be watched for suicide. Clint and himself were in this class with feeling each other physically, which made mission recovery a bitch at times since his mate had a tendency to be a bit accident proned.

 

Class One bonds felt it all. Emotions, physical and was rumored to be able to communicate telepathically. It had never been confirmed since class ones were rare and because the bonding of mates is such an intimate thing that none of known class ones were talking. Class Ones usually died if not minutes apart soon after, they rarely survived long enough to be placed on suicide watch.

 

Sighing he pushed his thoughts away, they would come to that bridge when they got there. Sitting up he popped his neck before standing up. “I’ll be back, need to go check on things, get an update on Maria and make sure Sharon isn’t terrorizing the staff.”

 

“How is she?” Clint asks with feigned innocence in his voice and he knows that Maria shared her theory on the injury with him.

 

“Got shot in the ass” he says dryly and watches as an unholy gleam filled Clint’s eyes. “Thought you’d find that amusing”

 

“You know me too well,” he answers smirking at Phil.

 

“Yes I do love,” he says before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. When he opens them again the mask of Agent Coulson is firmly in place as he opens the door and walks back into organized chaos.

* * *

 

Sharon Carter was not having a good day, in fact it just kept getting worse and it seemed like it was going to stay in craptastic mode for the foreseeable future. All she wanted to do was finish getting patched up and get the hell out of this bed so she could check on Maria. Her sister in all but blood was fighting for her life and Sharon was stuck face first on the bed because she got shot in the thigh. _‘No lying to yourself, you got shot in the ass and you will **NEVER** live this down’_ she thought and inwardly groaned. Clint the jackass would never let her forget this and Maria wouldn’t be much better.

 

She also wanted to know why Nick was so damn sorry for sending Maria on the mission. It didn’t make any sense, Maria thrived on missions. She only took the desk job she had now because Nick needed someone he could trust to pull everyone's asses out of fire when it hit the fan and that was Maria. She was a natural born tactician and could remember and run multiple missions all at once.

 

Sighing she heard the door open “About damn time,” she growled “can we get this over with so I can..”

 

“Still terrorizing the staff I see,” said Phil from behind her as he walked in the room. “You know I find it funny that our little family is the reason the medical staff asks for mental health days” he chuckles as he sat down in the chair next to her bed. “How are you doing Sharon?”

 

“I’d be better if they would just finish this up so I can get the hell out of this bed” she said.

 

“I swear between Clint, Nick, Maria and you, I don’t know who is worse on making the staff piss themselves. They are done, you just terrorized the poor new doctor so much he ran out of here like the devil was after him before he could tell you. He was trying to get one of the nurses to come in here before he noticed me coming this way with your return bag.”

 

“Not my fault, I’m a doctor and know I can be doing it better. Also I just can’t stand to be stationary for long.” Sharon said as she proved her point by slowly getting up.

 

“Here put these on,” Phil said as he tossed her, her return bag. The ‘return bag’ was an idea Phil had that the whole family used. Everyone had several bags stashed with other family members to bring to them if they needed a change of clothes after being in medical. It had saved her from having to deal with SHIELD issued scrubs on numerous occasions, they were drafty and ugly as sin.

 

“Thanks” she said as she started to dress in the loose fitting sweats. “Where is Clint? I thought he’d be here terrorizing me about the location of my wound by now. And how is Maria?”

 

“Maria is still in surgery, they have the bleeding stopped and now just working to repair the damage before they sew her back up. As for Clint we will go to the room he's in. There is someone new for you to meet."

 

Sharon looks at him and arches her eyebrow. _'What the hell was going on? Gone for only two weeks and I feel like I am missing something’_ she thought. “Care to tell me what the hell I have missed?”

 

Phil smirks at her and its the smirk that is reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. _‘This is going to be interesting’_ she thought as she took a drink of water to take some much needed pain meds.

 

“Oh just Clint and I bringing back one Natalia Alianovna Romanova code name “Black Widow””

 

“What?! You two nutcases captured THE Black Widow” she says spitting out her water as he laughs.

 

“Oh just wait it gets better, Natalia it seems…” he grins again “is our dear Maria’s mate.”

 

“Holy shit!” she exclaimed in shock as she sat down against the bed and had to bite back a moan. _‘Damn it that fucking smarts.’_

 

“Yep” he said popping the ‘p’. “Its been an interesting few days since we got back” he says before his grin almost fully disappears.

 

“What is wrong Phil?” she asks as she watches Phil lean back in his chair and Sharon can see the worry in his face. There are bags under his eyes that she didn’t notice at first and she wonders when was the last time he slept more than a couple hours at a time. After this was all over and everyone in the clear she would make sure that he and Clint got some sleep because if one wasn’t sleeping neither was the other.

 

“The bond was only four days old when Maria went to rescue you. It’s not your fault, there was just no one senior enough left to run the mission. Clint and I are still on the medical list otherwise we would have gone. And Nick had no choice because one Maria hadn’t filled out the Bonding paperwork and two we didn’t know what class they were yet.”

 

“Of course not, that takes at least a month to figure out.”

 

“I know but Clint and I are sure now they are a Class Two or even possibly a Class One.”

 

“Shit,” she said with feeling. “Are you sure?”

 

He nods. “As sure as we can be with both of them out for the count at the moment.”

 

“She passed out?” she asks feeling herself go into what Maria referred to as her Doctor mode.

 

“Yes, right after she had a full on panic attack because she _knew_ something was wrong. Be warned if she comes to, she has split personalities. I know you can handle yourself but either Clint or I will be in the room with you and her until Maria wakes up because both personalities know us, they don’t know you and it is for both of your safeties. That and I don’t want to answer to Maria or fill out any more damn paperwork from another incident. Now come on,” he said standing “you will see what I mean. Natalia fits right in, with our family. She is just as broken as the rest of us.”

 

Sharon stops Phil by grabbing his arm and turning him around. “We aren’t broken, just slightly bent,” she says hugging him. Sharon knew that he must have really been feeling the stress of everything if he said a comment like that. They all thought it but rarely said it out loud. They all needed a vacation desperately, or they just might finally break fully.

* * *

She felt warm, she felt love, she felt comfort all pressed against her left side pushing back the pain that radiated from her right. Pushing towards the good feelings she began to remember. Widow, her beautiful Natalia that was her soulmate they were two people in one but they were hers. It was a little crazy but they’d get through it. She remembered holding Natalia as she struggled to understand the feelings that their bond awakened in her, as she begun to heal and learned that she could lean on….Maria.

 

Maria that was her name, she was so tired and wanted to drift away back to hazzy fuzziness that was her mind moments ago but she _knew_ Natalia needed her. She didn’t know how she _knew_ she just did and it confused her but it didn’t matter. Maria was needed by her mate and that was all that mattered to her at the moment.

 

The warmth, love and comfort she felt from her left welcomed her and she pressed onwards towards it. Maria knew it was her...малютка. She remembered the cluster fuck of the mission, the pain of being shot and then blown up.

 

She remembered green intense eyes and a whispered request “Just be careful and come back to me.” Maria remembers the whispered promise, "I will" before gently kissing her малютка. Maria had a promise to keep to Natalia and she wasn’t going to totally screw it up. She will get at least the last half of the promise right.

 

Turning her head to the left she opens her eyes and gently kisses Natalia’s forehead. Her mate is there in the hospital bed with her curled up against her side. Blinking once, twice she looks to the side of the bed and sees Clint awake smiling at her. She watches as he nods to her and goes to stand outside to give them some privacy.

 

Maria pulls Natalia closer with her left arm while kissing her forehead once again. “малютка,” she whispers against red hair taking a deep breath to take in the scent that was Natalia. She feels Natalia awake but she doesn’t look up. Maria can _feel_ Natalia’s fear like it is her own and lets the love she felt for the tiny woman in her arms, flow through the bond. “малютка” she whispers again and is awarded by intense green eyes looking into her blue. Moments pass before Maria feels a hand cup her cheek and she kisses the hand.

 

“You came back” Natalia whispers as tears fill her eyes.

 

“I had a promise to keep” Maria whispers back before she felt Natalia’s lips on her own.

 

 

* * *

 


	7. Class Two or Class One...and 'Oh Damn that Smarts"

Rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor and the combination of the dark room threatened to lull Clint to sleep as he sat keeping watch over the sleeping forms of Maria and Natalia. Five days had passed since Maria had gotten out of surgery and she had yet to wake, he was told she should wake soon and he hoped Sharon was right because Natalia and the Widow were a mess. Hell if he was being honest they all were a mess waiting for Maria to wake up.

 

He had made a promise to Maria to watch over Natalia and he was doing that as best as he could. Once Maria was moved into a room he had carried the still whimpering Natalia to her bed and placed them next to each other. The physical contact between the two seemed to help because Maria started breathing easier and Natalia had stopped whimpering.

 

Clint knew Natalia was broken when he found her, but until now he didn't realize how broken. She had fought tooth and nail not to be captured by the KGB agents he had found her fighting only to drop to her knees when it was just them left breathing. A part of him recognizing the look in her eyes as the look of wanting it to end and he couldn't do it, despite his orders to end her.

 

It had been a very unstable combination of Natalia and the Widow that had woken up then and Clint wasn't sure if both were in charge or if they were shifting back and forth at random but it definitely was not good. It killed Clint to see Natalia crying once she woke up next to a wounded Maria but whenever anyone approached the bed she would snarl and tense up as if she was going to attack. Her movements and eyes screamed wounded animal protecting their mate and that honestly wasn't far from the truth.

 

It had taken a few hours of talking softly and not making any sudden movements to get her to calm down enough to just let himself or Phil to approach the bed. All their efforts almost went for shit though when one of the arrogant pricks had waltzed in without consulting anyone and had barely escaped with his life. The idiot was lucky that Phil, Sharon and himself had all been in the room at the time. Clint had grabbed Widow mid air when she had sprung at the intruder. Despite his best effort she still somehow connected her punch and knocked the idiot out, while Phil and Sharon had grabbed an arm each and dragged him out of the room. After that Sharon was allowed near the bed but only because she had taken over as Maria’s doctor, since none of the staff would now enter the room for fear of the Black Widow's wrath and only because Maria’s bandages needed changed and they wanted to be shown how to do it.

 

Taking a deep breath he tried to clear his head of his thoughts. He had been thinking of the last few days over and over again wondering if there was something else he could have done better but he knew there wasn't. He had been able to get Natalia to eat a little bit every few hours, then after dinner he would gently talk Natalia into going to the attached bathroom to get cleaned up and into new clothes but only if Phil and Sharon were there to watch Maria. Afterwards they would leave and Clint would tuck Natalia in the bed next to Maria while humming 'You Are My Sunshine' till she fell asleep.

 

Movement caught his eye as Maria's left arm came up off the bed and rested on Natalia's ass. If he was feeling less drained he'd probably make some crack about it but at the moment he was just thankful for the movement. He watched and smiled as Maria turned her head towards her mate and gently kissed Natalia's forehead. Clint sighed as he watched her blink once then twice and looked towards him. A moment passes as she looks at him, nothing is said between them, it doesn't need to be said they are family.

 

Nodding he stands up and heads out the door to give them some much needed privacy. Clint gently closes the door and leans against it closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Reaching up he activated his personal com and waited.

 

“Clint, everything ok?” asks Phil his voice sounding just as drained as Clint felt.

 

 _‘No, everything is not ok, but it is getting there.’_ he thought before pinching the bridge of his nose trying to shake the exhaustion he felt. "Maria is awake.”

 

He hears a breath of relief from the other end of the com "We'll be there in ten."

 

“Take your time,” Clint says as he can hear crying through the door. “Maria and Natalia are talking.”

* * *

Maria looked up as the door slowly opened, as Clint’s bulky form was outlined by the light coming through the doorway. “It’s good to see you awake Maria,” Clint said as he came in and gently closed the door.

 

“How long was I out?” she asked softly slowly running her hand up and down the back of her tiny mate that had literally cried herself to sleep. That fact was something that worried Maria greatly but she kept the feelings of love flowing through the bond to keep Natalia feeling safe and knowing Maria was there for her. Maria didn't think anyone had slept much since her injury and that theory was confirmed by the dark circles under Clint’s eyes that she could even see in the darkened room.

 

“Five days,” he answered as he pulled the blanket up and gently tucked Natalia into the bed before dropping down in his chair. “You both had us worried,” Clint said as he scrubbed his hands over his face.

 

“Both?” she asked but she had a feeling she knew the answer. Maria had _felt_ the emotional turmoil from Natalia and had been able to use the bond to calm Natalia as she cried.

 

Clint dropped his hands and gave her a hard look “Maria don’t even try to play with me…” he said with his usual carefree tone all but gone. “Natalia _knew_ something was wrong, she just didn’t understand it till we got word that you been hit. Then she had a panic attack that dragged both her _and_ Widow down.”

 

Maria sighed as she kissed Natalia’s forehead. A part of her wanting to reassure herself that all of this was real and not some weird internal dream. “We are a Class Two, maybe even a Class one. I’m not sure it's too much information to process with just her emotions.”

 

“Understandable,” he paused as he tilted his head up looking at the ceiling, Clint wasn't meeting her eyes and that was never a good sign. “She has been a mess the last few days. I did my best Maria but I don’t know how stable she is at the moment.”

 

“Clint, look at me” she said softly. His brown uncertain eyes met her blue and she knew he thought he had failed her in someway. “You did all you could little brother, that is all I could ever ask of you. Thank you.”

 

Maria watched as his shoulders sagged before he just smiled back at her. “Anytime big sis, anytime.”

 

“Aww” said Sharon sarcastically from the door as she came into the room followed by Phil who closed the door behind them.

 

Clint just flipped her off as he reached for Phil and pulled him into his lap. “You’re just jealous” he said before smirking “Want a seat Princess?”

 

“Bite me bird brain,” said Sharon as she slightly limped over and leaned her cane against the bed pulling open Maria’s chart.

 

Maria smirked at the teasing before she asked “How bad was the bill Sharon?”

 

Sharon looked over to Phil and Clint and they both shrugged. Making Sharon sigh before muttering “Pussys” under her breath. “Bad enough. Michaels didn’t make it, he took a through and through to the heart, and then the shrapnel from the explosion was just overkill, he was dead before he hit the ground. You were the only CatAlpha we had, with four CatBetas including me. Everyone else was just an assortment of bumps and bruises.”

 

“We were lucky” Maria sighed. “Was Michaels taken care of?”

 

“Nick took care of it Maria. You need to rest and worry about yourself.” said Phil as he gave her a look.

 

“Alright,” she sighed “Since I don’t have any doctors other than you in the room and I’ve been awake this long want to tell me what is going on?”

 

“Had a bit of incident with an arrogant prick and the Widow made her presence known on day one. We handled it but Sharon is your doctor at this point because Widow won't let anyone else near you,” said Clint.

 

Whimpering from Natalia had everyone but Maria tense up, it pained her to see her family react that way but it wasn’t their faults or Natalia’s. With the bond being so new and Maria getting injured it must have put Natalia and the Widow on edge. Sighing she pulled Natalia closer and kissed her forehead till the contact seemed to calm her enough to stop the whimpering. Maria felt everyone relax before she looked over at Sharon.

Sharon shrugged, “I don’t mind at least it gives me something to do. I’m off the active list till my thigh...”

 

“Ass!” interrupted a snickering Clint. Maria couldn’t help but laugh while Phil smirked and shook his head at his mate.

 

Sharon sighed, “Fine! Till my **ASS** heals, I’m off the active list. So taking care of you will at least keep me busy.”

 

“Ok well how long am I down for the count?”

 

“A couple months at least” said Sharon and Maria groaned “Don’t you start whining! You are damn lucky even to be alive,” growled Sharon. “Through and through to the shoulder, luckily it missed the joint. Another gunshot to the thigh that caused massive blood loss, we almost lost you because of that. A dozen or so shrapnel wounds to your chest, arms and legs that are going to be more annoying than anything for you and most likely will scar. With a concussion to round it off.”

 

“Damn I didn’t realize it was that bad. Wait...I should be feeling like I just jumped off the Helicarrier at max velocity...” Maria looked over towards Clint and he shrugged while glancing towards Natalia. Maria bit back an oath and sighed, apparently she wasn’t the only one using the bond to help the other. And with that thought she stopped and took a deep breath as she closed her eyes and internally counted to ten. She couldn’t be mad at Natalia for doing something she was doing herself. The bond was new, they would have to learn boundaries but they would learn them together.

 

Natalia whimpering again made her look closer and now she could see the pain etched onto her face. Maria sighed before she whispered, “Phil can you update the paperwork for me? Natalia and I are going to need to be listed as a Class One.” Maria heard an intake of breath from Sharon and looked over towards her smirking “You should know by now Sis I don’t do anything by halves.”

 

“I know but damn you two are going to have a hell of a time trying to balance out,” Sharon said pinching the bridge of her nose and Maria knew she was going into doctor mode. “Between the deprogramming, her multiple personalities and your injuries...It is going to be a hell of a year.”

 

“No need to remind me,” sighed Maria before looking back to Phil. “Also can you let Nick know and tell him I need to talk to him in the morning so I can make arrangements for my medical leave and for Natalia’s deprogramming.”

 

“Where are you thinking?” asked Phil.

 

“The farmhouse. Isolated enough that we won't be bothered much, and close enough to civilization that we have a SHIELD therapist near by for Natalia to see. Anyways that is more my home than anywhere else I hang my hat and I want to take Natalia home,” Maria said softly. “After you do that, both you and Clint are to go get a few hours of sleep. Don’t argue, I can see those dark circles under your eyes.”

 

“We’ll see you in the morning. We will bring breakfast” said Phil standing up and pulling Clint up after him.

 

After they had left Maria looked towards Sharon, “I am going to need you near by, I need to have a talk with Natalia. Then afterwards I am going to need some meds because I have a feeling it is going to hurt like a bitch once I get her to stop blocking the pain.”

 

“She shouldn’t be able to do that, not yet at least. Your bond is too new, too unstable. Are you sure she is doing that?”

 

“More than sure because I did it earlier with the emotional side of our bond.” Sharon gave her a questioning look and Maria felt herself roll her eyes. Her sister was a doctor and scientist, it had to be proven before she believed in anything but Maria couldn’t fault her she was the same way most of the time.

 

“малютка,” she whispered before smiling softly as green eyes slowly opened and looked into blue. Maria noticed that one eye was darker than the other but both were filled with pain. “I have a question for you малютка, and I need both of you to answer it honestly.” Maria watched as unease filled Natalia’s eyes before she looked down and started picking at the blanket.

 

Fear hammered through the bond and it was taking all of Maria’s concentration to just keep herself breathing normally. She hated doing it because it made her a hypocrite but she needed Natalia to calm down before she brought on a panic attack for both of them. Sighing, Maria closed her eyes and found her bond with Natalia and let the love she felt flow through it as she rubbed circles on Natalia’s back trying to reassure her mate. “малютка look at me, I am not mad at you. We just need to know if you are blocking the pain for me so Sharon can help us. I don’t want you in pain because of me.”

 

“Widow was able to find our bond with you today and did it so you would wake up. Widow says that she had to do it because you were not waking and..” she paused as uncertainty spiked through the bond. “Widow says for me to use these words exactly, ‘our семья was breaking.’”

  
“семья?” Maria asked letting the word roll off her tongue as she tried to remember where she had heard or read the word before. She knew some russian from working on Natalia’s dossier but she was in no way a fluent speaker but she knew she had seen and heard the word. Her mind flashed with images of newspapers and documents, it was the reason she was so efficient at what Nick had her doing now. She had a near eidetic memory the recall wasn’t instant but… 

 

“семья? Family?” Maria asked as she felt Natalia nod into her shoulder for confirmation. “ _Our family_ was breaking?” she asked with a timid nod from Natalia as an answer.

 

“Oh малютка, please look up.” Maria smiles gently down at Natalia as blue eyes meet the two toned green. “Widow was right to use that word, Natalia. They are _our семья,_ our family and family is everything.”

 

“That is what Clint said,” whispers Natalia.

 

“Where do you think he learned it from?” Maria smirks and then kisses Natalia’s forehead. “Thank you for looking out for them, because they are _our family_. But I am still going to need you to let go of the pain and let Sharon deal with it with the meds.”

 

“I don’t want you to be in pain,” Natalia says her hand moving to right above Maria’s heart.

 

“I know and I feel the same about you but the pain meds don’t work on you but they do for me, thankfully. Now that I have woken up with your help it will be easier for me to find you and wake up, I will be okay.”

 

“Promise?” asks Natalia with a voice that is almost childlike.

 

“I promise and you know I keep my promises.” Maria says and watches as Natalia relaxes her shoulders and for the first time since waking the pain flooded into her body. ‘Oh damn that smarts.’

 

“Level?” Sharon asks from a corner of the room and Maria had completely forgotten she was in the room.

 

“Seven,” Maria answers as Sharon comes over to the IV stand and fiddles with the machine and increases the meds. It takes a moment but the pain meds are soon in her system and making the pain just a dull ache. Looking down to Natalia she smiles “Time to get some rest. Sleep well and wake малютка”

 

Maria’s eyes are heavy but she lets her love go through the bond before sleep takes her.

 

* * *

 

Natalia is stunned by the feeling that is coming through the bond, she presses her hand lightly against Maria’s chest and feels her heart. Is this feeling love? She didn’t understand the emotion and neither did Widow but she was growing to like the feeling.

 

Sighing she looked over to Sharon who just smiled gently back and said “Get some rest little sister, I have the watch.”

 

 


	8. Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Porn w/plot in this chapter.

Humidity clung to her like a second skin, the weather had lately been full of thunderstorms and by the feel of the air another was about to break loose. Howling winds that reminded her of the screams of her past victims, lightning and thunder that threatened to send her over the edge into another stress filled flashback and rain that hid the tears she would inevitably cry in frustration because she was still learning to understand the feelings coursing through her now.

The beat of her heart was the rhythm she set to her feet as they pounded against the pavement pushing the limits of her already physically and emotionally drained body. She was so tired of the pain and the constant guilt that was slowly eating away at her. Memories played in her head and she continued to run in a fruitless attempt to avoid the demons of her past, her self doubt over the future and the bone deep depression that was threatening to not just overtake her but even her mate.

Maria, her strong Maria stood by her no matter what they found out about her past over the last two months. Despite what she did or said to push Maria away to protect her, Maria was still always there with a hug or a shoulder to cry on when she was to physically and emotionally drained from her therapy sessions to fight back. She felt guilty for taking comfort in her mate’s arms and then guilty for feeling guilty because she couldn’t hide the feeling from Maria and knew it hurt her and that was the last thing she ever wanted to do.

No matter how hard she ran she was never fully free of her thoughts and the guilt. Eventually she always ended up at the beach and today was no different, as she collapsed into the sand in exhaustion but not before her thoughts hit the pinnacle of her self loathing and she screamed her frustrations into the wind, witnessed by no one but the seagulls and the waves.

Tears silently fell down her face as she layed there in the sand staring at the churning dark clouds above. Lightning flashed and lit up the world around her and she barely counted to five before the world exploded with thunder and rain all at once. Warm rain soaked her to the bone instantly and turned the sand around her into so much mush. But still she layed there tears running down her face in what seemed like an endless stream as the rain continued to wash them away.

Slowly the tears stopped and so did the rain but she still laid there breathing deeply of the sea air. Trying in vain to make sense of her thoughts that were spinning around in her head in what seemed like a never ending cycle. Somedays she could eventually find some semblance of peace laying there on the beach listening to the waves and breathing in the air, but today was not one of those days.

 

Sighing she sat up and brought her knees up to her chest and sat there and stared at the waves, past the waves not really seeing anything in particular. She wanted nothing more than to love, to laugh, and to be happy again but Widow was correct when she had said that they had suffered more than any child should have to and those memories once unleashed from the shadows of her mind had broken her in ways she never thought possible.

At one time she had wanted nothing more than to be whole again, but she was starting to believe that might not happen in the way that she wanted. Instead of two different aspects she now had three; Natalia, Black Widow and one she now called Natasha.

Natalia was a child, a very innocent child who was scared of the world and everything in it, but still wanted to see the good in everything and everyone at the same time. The Black Widow was exactly what the Red Room had trained her without mercy to become, she was the monster and cold blooded killer that they had dreamed of.

Then there was now Natasha who was the persona that was mostly in charge though the other two did occasionally take over sometimes with now slightly disastrous consequences. Natasha was a mixture of the two polar opposite aspects of her other selves, Natasha took the harsh lessons and skills of the Black Widow and tempered them with Natalia’s innocence and wish to do good in the world. But it didn’t mean she didn’t feel the guilt of the Widow or the fear of Natalia when she was Natasha.

She knew deep down eventually everything would be okay, or at least that’s what Maria kept telling her on the really bad days. Maybe one day it would happen, but today was not that day so with one last deep breath she shook her head trying to shake out the thoughts. She quickly chucked her running shorts onto the sand and ran into the waves.

Diving in she swam against the waves as they crashed against her, washing off the rough edges of her emotions. The waters of the cold north Atlantic are a slight shock to her system but it is what brings her just a bit closer to the peace she has been searching for this morning. She swims to the mouth of the little inlet cove then lets the waves carry her back onto the beach becoming one with the ocean for a brief moment.

* * *

A hand reaches out blindly to give comfort as a spike in emotion came across the bond waking Maria from a sound sleep but her hand only meets the empty space next to her. Groaning she cracks open and eye and confirms that Natalia was not in the bed with her. Burying her face into a pillow she silently counts to ten, she was not angry with Natalia just frustrated because instead of leaning on Maria, she was pushing her away because she didn’t believe she deserved to be happy or have any comfort. It was months after their bonding and it seemed like they were taking two steps forward and one step back, which was still good progress with everything they were facing but it was still just a bit frustrating.

_‘Son of a bitch that smarts’_ she cursed internally as her right leg’s muscles protested and threatened to give out as soon as she stood up. Grimacing she grabbed the bright pink cane that Sharon and Clint had got her as a gag gift once she had been released from the hospital. _‘Damn gaudy thing, I’ll get them back’_ she thought as she reached for a pair of jeans that had been tossed on the floor the night before and grabbing one of her plaid overshirts to go over the tank top she wore to bed.

It took a few minutes of huffing and puffing but soon she was driving on the small country back road towards the tiny inlet beach that had become a place of refuge for Natalia and if she was honest even herself. The predawn trip to the beach was almost a daily routine for them now but she wouldn’t have it any other way because when she arrived at the beach she knew Natalia’s green eyes would have a look of almost peace in them and for that Maria would do anything to see.

Pulling up into the small parking lot she watched from the truck’s cab as her tiny mate ran and disappeared into the waves in nothing more than her sports bra and bikini bottoms. _‘Crazy little russian, my crazy little russian, the water has got to be in the 50’s if not lower. Don’t care if it is summer or not thats too damn cold’_ she thought exasperatedly as she grabbed the bag that held blankets, water bottles, granola bars, towels and a change of clothes for Natalia. Maria slowly made her way onto the beach taking her time since she knew Natalia would be a little while in the water. Finding the spot marked by Natalia’s shorts she dropped the bag and pulled out a blanket making somewhat quick work of laying it down on the sand.

Splashing sounds make Maria look toward the water and she felt her mind come to a grinding halt as water cascaded down Natalia’s body as she walked towards her smirking. _‘Damn, oh that smirk means trouble’_ she thought as she shook her head trying to clear it of the very dirty thoughts that were now running wild. It was very hard to hide feelings of desire and arousal when they felt everything from each other both physically and emotionally and at that moment she could tell that the two feelings were mutual. Up to that point they had avoided having sex during their recoveries but as time passed by it was becoming more and more difficult to say no. _‘Get a grip on yourself Maria, be patient’_ she thought closing her eyes and trying to get control of herself.

Maria opened her eyes as hands on her hips pull her closer to a dripping wet body. Blue eyes look down to full red lips and then up to green eyes that are dark with desire and her breath hitches slightly in her chest. She doesn’t even realize she is doing it before she leans forward and whispers “малютка” against soft lips.  

The kiss at first is soft and gentle but soon becomes more as teeth and tongues start to battle out for dominance. Maria feels her body being pushed gently to sit on the blanket behind her and once she is down Natalia is straddling her without breaking off the kiss. Small hands are pulling open her shirt and soon it off her shoulders and being tossed. Natalia yanks roughly on the tank top she has tucked in her pants and soon wet hands are touching warm skin leaving a trail of goosebumps all the way up to her breasts. A moan is heard and Maria isn’t sure if it’s from Natalia or herself or even both of them.

Maria grips Natalia’s hips as she breaks off the kiss and kisses her way along a delicate jaw to Natalia’s ear and lightly sucks on the earlobe. A whimper is heard from Natalia as Maria applies teeth to her sucking and she feels Natalia’s hands tighten on her breasts pinching at the nipples.

“We should stop, tell me to stop now and I will but I don’t know if I can stop unless you tell me to” Maria whispers into Natalia’s ear before she bites and licks just below the ear.

“Don’t you dare stop” growls Natalia punctuating the demand by pinching and twisting Maria’s nipples.

 

“You are playing with fire малютка” Maria hisses as lips trail down and nip at Natalia’s neck. Her arms going around the tiny body of her mate to support her weight as she arches into Maria.

 

“Don’t care, let us burn,” she growls before leaning forward and whispering in Maria’s ear. “Please голубые глаза, _I need you_.” Maria knows those words are her undoing as she brings her lips crashing back down onto Natalia’s lips. Her right hand rakes with fingernails down Natalia’s back before they rest on the tie of the bikini bottoms. The sensation enough to make Natalia to break the kiss with a hissed “Yes” as she bares her neck to Maria.

 

Maria takes advantage and starts kissing and sucking on Natalia’s pulse points while her hand quickly unties the bikini bottoms before pulling them roughly and chucking them to the side. “Last chance, are you sure малютка?” she asks in a whispery growl into her mates ear as her hand grips at Natalia’s hip not trusting herself to loosen her hold.

 

Natalia whimpers and nods as she pushes Maria’s tank top over her head to be chucked to the side. Maria moans as the ocean air kisses across her skin and she can feel her nipples grow even harder as Natalia leans down and captures one in her mouth. “Holy shit” Maria exclaims as a tongue circles a hard nipple, the sensation sending shockwaves between her legs. Her hips moving to get friction against her jeans as her left arm circles around Natalia as her right goes between her mates legs.

 

A growl escapes Maria’s throat before she can stop it as she lightly lets one finger slide up inside her mates slit applying pressure when she hits the clit and finds Natalia wet and warm waiting for her. Slowly she increases speed listening to Natalia’s breathing and reading her body language trying to find the right combination to bring her mate pleasure. Soon Natalia is panting into her ear, small whimpers escaping those beautiful red lips that are driving Maria crazy.

 

Maria suddenly pushes two fingers into Natalia as her thumb now starts to stroke at the clit. Natalia loudly moans as her body arches backwards head thrown back and Maria watches mesmerized by Natalia’s bouncing breast that are being held by the sports bra that she is still wearing.

 

“Bra off now,” Maria orders as her fingers start to go faster as Natalia instantly complies with the demand. “You are fucking beautiful,” Maria says and kisses her as soon as the bra is tossed to the side. But soon Maria breaks it off as she kisses and licks to a breast and sucks a nipple into her mouth letting teeth, tongue and lips discover every little sigh or whimper she can drag out of Natalia.

 

Maria can feel that Natalia is close as her pussy clenches down onto her fingers and she redoubles her efforts as she kisses her way back up Natalia’s chest. She bites hard down onto the junction between neck and shoulder and is awarded as Natalia hisses “Yes, don’t stop, please голубые глаза, please don’t fucking stop.”

 

Maria doesn’t stop as a third finger joins in and she increase speed. She kisses and licks her way up and over pulse points, just below her ear and then onto the earlobe. Maria can feel Natalia’s body start to shake, she can hear every delicious whimper she is dragging out of her mate and decides she wants to be looking into Natalia’s eyes when she cums. “Look at me малютка” she whispers gently as she nuzzles her face against Natalia’s.

 

Pupil blown green eyes meet her blue and all the walls her tiny mate had kept up recently between them are instantly gone, the full effect of the emotional and physical bond hits them both like a sledgehammer but the slight pain only increases their pleasure. Maria can see all the emotions that she can feel across the emotional bond flit across Natalia’s eyes. Trust, desire, love, arousal, hope. Leaning forward she quickly captures Natalia’s lips with her own in a hungry and desperate kiss.

 

Maria can feel they are both so close, through the physical bond and it is driving her wild as her hips move against her jeans trying to relieve with friction some of the pressure she felt between her own legs. The movement of her hips in time with her fingers that are inside Natalia and soon they are both riding the first edges of their orgasms as Natalia breaks off the kiss and screams as her hands grab onto Maria’s shoulders with her nails digging in. Maria tightens her hold on her mate but doesn’t stop as she keeps going pushing them through four more orgasms before she starts to slow as they ride out the last one.

 

Gently Maria pulls her fingers out and listens as a whimper escapes from Natalia before she collapses against Maria. Catching her tiny mate she cradles her gently against her own body as she lays them back onto the blanket. Maria runs one hand slowly and gently, up and down Natalia’s back as she feels the after effects of their orgasms sing between both of their bodies.

 

Only what she can describe as a feeling of lazy purring content come across the bond as Natalia nuzzles into her neck and she can’t help the smile that comes across her face. Maria presses a kiss to Natalia’s forehead as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath of the scent that is purely her mate. “I love you малютка”

 

“I love you to голубые глаза” Natalia says as she kisses on her neck. Maria moans at the touch and she can feel Natalia’s smug smirk.

 

“Come on you,” Maria laughs and pulls Natalia closer poking her side, “we need to get back to the house before the boys send out a search party for us.”

 

“Bloody mother hens” Natalia groans as she stretches lazily against Maria and lightly kisses the underside of her jaw. Maria watches as Natalia pushes herself up and once again their lips meet. Green eyes meet blue and in that moment Maria knows believes they have come over the mountain.

 

 


	9. Attack of the Mother Hens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of porn, also sorry it took so long. Work plus pneumonia, plus laryngitis made for me only want to eat and sleep till I was recovered.

A comfortable silence filled the cab of the truck as they slowly drove back to the house, moments ago Maria had put her arm across the seat of the old beat up truck to back out of the parking space only to be surprised as Natalia curled up and made herself comfortable against her side. But now Maria was fighting to concentrate on the road as fingers went back and forth in slow lazy strokes that with every pass got lower and lower on her stomach. As desire peaked again through the bond she growled “малютка, you are playing with fire.”

 

“I thought we already established I like playing with fire” Natalia said as humor bloomed through the bond, her fingers continuing their lazy teasing.

 

Maria snorted but stayed silent as she dropped her arm from the back of the seat pulling Natalia even closer and kissing the top of her head. Moments passed but Maria could tell that Natalia was now thinking about something else as different emotions came across the bond and she stayed silent trying not to push.

 

“I’m sorry,” Natalia said as her fingers stopped moving and pressed her hand flat against Maria’s stomach in an almost possessive gesture. Maria stayed silent, waiting she could tell Natalia wasn’t done with her thought. “I shouldn’t have been pushing you away these last few months since we came to your home.”

 

“OUR home, малютка,” Maria gently corrected as she turned onto the long driveway of the farmhouse property.

 

“Our home…” Natalia said with a little bit of wonder in her voice as fingers once again started to caress Maria’s stomach. It was a few minutes later as Maria parked the truck that Natalia finally whispered, “I know I’ve had a home before, I had to have before they took me...but I don’t remember. So in a way I’ve never had a home.”

 

“You do now. This is OUR home and OUR family,” Maria paused as she watched the kitchen curtain twitch and added dryly, “mother hens and all. We better get inside before they come out here asking if we need help into the house.”

 

“You mean you don’t want Clint to come out here and carry you back into the house again” snickers Natalia with an evil glint in her eyes.

 

“Light no! Now up and at'em I smell bacon cooking so Phil has breakfast at least cooking and I don’t know about you but I’m hungry.” Maria says as she lightly swats at her mates legs before grabbing the awful gaudy pink cane and hopping out of the truck and was almost to the door before the door was opened by Clint, the mother hen hovering as she made it slowly up the porch steps.

 

“Sis do you need me..”

 

“Don’t even think about it Clint or I will beat you with this damn cane,” Maria growled and watched as Clint held up his hands in surrender.

 

Rolling her eyes she made her way inside to hear Phil humming as he cooked at the stove. “Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes, wake Sharon and go get washed up” he said not even looking at her or Natalia as he continued humming and cooking.

 

Shaking her head Maria walked down the hallway trying to think of a way to wake up Sharon that might not end up with a fist or pillow to the head. Maria loved her sister but she was a bitch with a capital “B” in the morning if she didn’t wake on her own terms when she wasn’t in the field. In the field she woke up instantly like the rest of them but when home like they were now it was risking life and limb to wake her.

 

“I’ll wake up the beast if you get the shower going” Natalia says as Maria felt arms around her waist and a kiss to her shoulder.  

 

“And why would I send you in there without back up?” asked Maria as she turned around facing Natalia.

 

“Because голубые глаза unlike you I can run away,” says Natalia with a smirk as she quickly kissed Maria.  

 

Growling low in her throat Maria pushed Natalia up against the wall before she nipped at her lips. “Fine but don’t take to long,” she said before leaning in and whispering “I have plans for you.” She heard Natalia groan before she turned away and headed to their bedroom with as much of a swing in her hips as she could muster while walking with the bloody cane.

* * *

Natalia watched Maria as she rounded the corner and disappeared from view and all she wanted to do was follow behind Maria to watch her walk but she first had a plan to execute with Clint.

 

“You got it bad” said Clint as he came up behind her.

 

“You are one to talk, you are always staring at Phil’s ass. Did you bring them?” she asked as she shook her head to clear it of thoughts of Maria in the shower waiting for her.

 

“Of course” he said as he handed Natasha her own water gun that he had showed her last night while Phil, Maria and Sharon had been on a conference call with Fury. He had called them a supersoaker and said that it was some type of american rite of passage to prank those you were close to and who better than Sharon who had been giving them a bit of a hard time lately with all the cartoons they were watching.

 

“Now Sharon sleeps like the dead when she is home, so we should be able to open the door without her waking up. Then all we have to do is take aim, get her and then run like hell” he said as he quickly pumped up his gun.

 

“Sounds simple enough,” she said shrugging as she copied his actions pumping the gun to give it pressure. Natalia watched as Clint smirked before he reached out and slowly turned the handle to Sharon’s room. Making their way inside they watched for movement from the bed but all they heard was a light snoring sound and Natalia couldn’t help but smirk as they got to the foot of the bed.

 

Taking aim she watched as Clint’s gun dipped in a three count that they had prearranged before they both pulled the triggers. Sharon jumped up shrieking like a scalded cat as they quickly shot her and all but ran out of the room. They quickly separated on their predetermined exit routes as Natalia ran for her and Maria’s room and Clint headed for the kitchen and hopefully for a Phil that would protect him from the demon they had awaken that was Sharon in the morning.

 

Natalia quickly made it to the bedroom and shut and locked the door behind her, cutting off all sound from the rest of the house, as a very naked Maria came out of the bathroom with a gun in hand. “What the hell was that?” she asked and Natalia watched as Maria’s eyes took in the supersoaker and amusement filled her eyes “You didn’t”

 

“Oh we did, and it was awesome. Told you I’d wake up the beast” Natalia said as she broke out in laughter as she felt a totally new feeling coursing through her. It was similar to the adrenaline rush of a fight but with something more that she didn’t quite understand, yet.

 

“We? Let me guess Clint talked you into pranking Sharon” Maria said as Natalia watched her put the safety back on and place the gun on one of the bedside tables.

 

“Yes, he said it was an american rite of passage to pull pranks...did we do something wrong?” Natalia asked hoping she wasn’t in trouble with Maria.

 

“No nothing wrong, and Clint is kinda right on the rite of passage thing” Maria smirked as she came to stand before Natalia in all of her naked glory and before she could comprehend anything she was pressed up against the door as she felt Maria’s lips against her own. She dropped the water gun on the ground and put her arms around Maria’s neck pulling her closer.

 

Maria broke the kiss and Natalia felt warm breath against her neck before there was a playful nip that made her knees buckle. Two hands quickly gripped her hips and felt as Maria used her lower body to help pin Natalia to the door and lips started sucking against her neck. Natalia moaned and she felt the lips smirk against her neck before Maria ordered “Shower now” as she turned back towards the bathroom.

 

Natalia quickly stripped as she followed Maria to the bathroom and into the shower stall and pressed the taller woman up against the wall as they kissed under the warm spray. Breaking off the kiss she quickly brought her mouth down to circle one of Maria’s nipples as her hands clawed up Maria’s thighs making her mate shudder and whimper against her. The sound went right between Natalia’s legs and she couldn’t help it when she let the desire she was feeling shoot through their bond to her mate.

 

“малютка please” groaned Maria as Natalia looked up as she nipped at the the other nipple, watching as blue eyes were almost black from blown pupils. Smiling she slowly kissed down toned abs as she got down on her knees in front of Maria.

 

“Relax голубые глаза I got you” she whispered as she leaned forward and brought her lips and tongue to start exploring her mate. The taste of Maria was sweet and musky all at the same time and made her mouth water as tried to lick and suck every part of her. Listening and feeling every muscle twitch beneath her fingers she soon knew what Maria likes and she uses that knowledge to bring her to the edge and and back numerous times.

 

“Please” Maria begs as Natalia felt fingers tangle in her hair slightly pulling at it that sent a shock of pleasure going to her own cunt. The pleading in Maria’s voice and the sensation was enough to make her stop teasing and it wasn’t long after she had added fingers inside of her mate that she was cuming onto Natalia’s tongue and fingers.

 

“Natalia!!” Maria screamed and the walls masking their bond came crashing down again and sent Natalia into her own orgasms as she continued licking and sucking Maria through a second orgasm. Natalia only stopped the assault with her tongue as she sensed Maria was about to collapse in the shower as she quickly stood up with one hand still in her mate and the other pressing her against the wall with a hand to the chest.

 

Natalia’s fingers still worked Maria through another three orgasms as her lips and teeth nipped and sucked at the junction of Maria’s shoulder and neck marking her territory before she slowed and stopped. Taking her fingers out of her mate she brought them up to her mouth and licked and sucked them clean as she watched Maria come down from her high trying to catch her breath.

 

“Damn малютка” Maria finally said as she wrapped her arms around Natalia, pulling the smaller woman against her body as she fought against the urge to just cuddle up and sleep right there in the shower. She felt the smug smirk against her skin as the tiny woman nuzzled into her neck and couldn’t help but smile and kiss her forehead. They stayed like that for a few minutes before the water started to get cold and Maria groaned as she reached over before turning it off.

 

“Can we stay like this today?” Natalia asked against her neck.

 

“I wish we could, but we both have appointments today and the mother hens will not let us miss those. No matter how much I just want to drag us both to the bed and have my way with you again” Maria sighed as she kissed Natalia on the top of her head.  

 

“Fine but after the appointments you are mine,” Natalia said nipping at her neck before kissing Maria on the lips.

 

“Deal. Now, come on we need to get dressed and get some breakfast,” she said as she got them out and grabbed towels. Wrapping a towel around Natalia’s shoulders she turned the woman towards the bedroom and smacked her ass before wrapping a towel around herself.

* * *

“I know what you two been doing!” teased Clint as they walked into the kitchen a few minutes later and Maria rolled her eyes at him as she smacked him with her cane against one of his shins. “Ow! Damn it that hurt!” he whined as he jumped up and down holding his leg. “Babe! Maria hit me with her cane”

 

Maria sat down at the kitchen table across from Sharon who was nursing a cup of black coffee and glaring at both Clint and Natalia who had just came into the kitchen wearing a tight pair of jeans and one of Maria’s black and white plaid shirts. When Maria had come out of the bathroom from putting her hair up and seen that outfit she about said 'fuck it' and thrown Natalia down on the bed again and by the smirk on Natalia’s face at the time she knew it too. It seemed her tiny mate loved to tease her and had a very wicked sense of humor but two could play at this game. Using her cane Maria pulled the tiny woman to her and into her lap as she wrapped her arms around her waist as she whispered “Mine”.

 

Phil turned from the stove with a platter full of eggs and bacon avoiding the hoping Clint as he set it on the table and sat on his own chair before he pulled his clutzy mate into his lap before he somehow destroyed another piece of household furniture. “Really Maria?” he asked exasperatedly as he dished himself and Clint a plate to share.

 

“He started it” Natalia heard Maria say as she started to dish them up a plate as well. Natalia felt fingers with light touches against her hips making her squirm into Maria’s lap. She felt Maria’s smug satisfaction through the bond before she grabbed the fork and started to feed them both. Two could play at this game and they would need their strength for later after the appointments.

  
Sharon just rolled her eyes as she quickly dished herself a plate and took another drink of her coffee as she had a funny feeling she was going to need it with all the cutesy crap between the two couples. She was happy for them but damn it was sometimes nauseating watching them, maybe tonight she will go to that club near by for people without soul marks and get laid. 


	10. Appointments and Triggers

“Is that all you got?” jeered Sharon from the other end of the leg press machine watching as Maria struggled to keep the weights from falling as she felt the burn and pain in her right leg. Taking a deep breath Maria glared at her sister in all but blood and forced herself to push past the pain and to hold the weight steady for the instructed five minutes before she slowly let it drop. “Better, now do it again”

 

“You know once I get better I am going to kick your ass, right?” Maria asked as she once again took a deep breath as she found her center and pushed past the pain again as she carefully tried not to let the pain near the bundle of sensations in the back of her mind that was Natalia. This was a new thing, having both of their individual therapy sessions at the same time, it was to teach them how to limit or mask the bond in order to learn the control they would need in the field. Maria wasn’t thrilled with the idea at first because she wanted to know when Natalia needed her during her psych appointments but she understood they needed the practice.

 

“Not my fault you made this physical therapist go running and crying from the room again,” Sharon said smirking at her.

 

“You aren’t any better! You had the last one terrified to even come in the same room as you” Maria said as she let the weights down again, sitting there willing the muscles in her leg to relax.

 

Sharon just shrugged tossing a towel at her head. “Anyways enough of the leg presses, now four miles on the treadmill and we will call it a day”

 

“Only four miles? Going easy on me Sis?” Maria asked as she wiped the sweat off her forehead and took a drink of her water.

 

“Nope, I just know Natalia is going to do enough for your cardio later and don’t want you to over do it” Sharon teased with a smirk as Maria spit out her water blushing.

 

“Ass,” Maria said as she threw her towel at Sharon which she dodged with ease.

 

“Now that is just nasty, but you know I am right. I am just thankful the rooms at the house are sound proofed between the boys and you two I don’t know who I want to hose off first at times” Sharon said with a voice full of snark and a roll of her eyes that Maria knew was hiding the hurt she was really feeling.

 

Maria grabbed Sharon’s arm before she got onto a treadmill, waiting till they made eye contact. “Hey Little Sister, you will find someone I promise,” she said softly as blue eyes met blue and Maria could see Sharon fighting to hide the pain away from her. Sharon and Nick were the only two in their little family that didn’t have a soul mark.

 

With Nick he said he didn’t care his work was his life and he had a family with them and that was enough for him. Maria thinks he was so accepting of it all because he believed he would die young in the service of SHIELD. Now he was older and only one of the three surviving members of his SHIELD academy group and the Director of SHIELD.

 

Sharon on the other hand who hid her compassionate nature behind snark didn’t have a soul mark and as every year passed without a sign of one Maria watched as the loneliness filled her sisters eyes. Maria pulled Sharon into a hug and felt her sister in all but blood relax into the embrace, and wished she knew what to say to take the pain away but didn’t. So instead she held Sharon till the tears came silently against her shirt.

 

“You stink” Sharon snarked minutes later after the tears had stopped and Maria couldn’t help but laugh while gently smaking Sharon on the back of the head.

 

“Still an ass” was all Maria said as she let go of Sharon and jumped onto a treadmill and started her run without saying anything else, because nothing else needed to be said they were family and they had always had each others backs.

 

 

* * *

 

“Natalia,” said Dr. Jones from the doorway to her office as she smiled gently and Natalia tried not to grimace as she got up from the waiting room chair. She knew that these psych appointments were necessary for the deprogramming and so she could get past the years of abuse and torment in the service of the Red Room but she still hated them. Afterwards she always felt like her skin was just one open raw wound and it took all of her hard trained self control not to just lash out and even then sometimes she still did, not always physically but emotionally and mentally as well.

 

It was those times that she hated herself the most because it was usually towards her mate that had done nothing but been there for her through it all. Despite every dark detail of her past, every line of red in her ledger that she now knew was running with rivers of blood, and no matter how hard she pushed her mate away she was always there. Natalia did not deserve Maria, she deserved the endless torment of her demons but her mate would not leave her and a part of her she was learning to accept the unconditional love that seemed to be a part of her mate.

 

Natalia instinctively searched the room for danger before she sat at one of the corners of the squishy couch. The black couch was worn from years of use but it was becoming something familiar to her, it was an enemy and friend all at the same time. It was comfortable and that made her want to relax into its embrace, but once she relaxed and the gentle tone of Dr. Jones started the conversation for the session it became her enemy because it was where she learned everything new that now haunted her. She knew she had to know the demons to deal with them, to understand them but still sometimes she wished for ignorance because it was easier that way but that was the cowards way out and she was no coward.

 

“Hello Dr. Jones” she finally said as she sat down against one end of the couch that was away from the windows in the room and had a clear site of the door. Instincts and paranoia were what kept her alive for so many years and even in a SHIELD medical facility with Phil and Clint just outside the door she couldn’t let herself relax.

 

Maybe it was because this was the first session that Maria wasn’t just outside the door also waiting for her, or the first time both her and Maria were ordered to keep the contact from the bond to a minimal so they could begin to learn the control that they would need in the field. It wasn’t like it was the first time they had masked the bond from each other, but those times were to try to protect each other from any pain they were going through.

 

Today though was different because this morning had happened, and Natalia found herself craving the emotional support her mate always was giving her through these sessions. On the drive to the facility Maria had known something was bugging her and as they sat in the back seat of the SUV her mate had held her close.

 

_“малютка what’s wrong?” Maria asked her as Natalia felt a hand slowly card through her hair._

_“It’s nothing” she said as she took in a deep breath that was the scent of her mate trying to use it to anchor herself. Natalia brought a hand up to Maria’s shirt and started playing with the buttons and she knew it was something she did when nervous about something. It was a nervous tick that was never fully trained out of her despite all the conditioning she went through._

_“малютка, please” Maria whispered pressing a kissing to the top of her head as she captured Natalia’s hand with her other hand holding it against her chest._

_“This is the first psych appointment..” Natalia paused trying not to say she was afraid of Maria not being on the other side of the door, trying to be strong._

_“I know but we have to start doing this, especially after the events of this morning. But once you are done I’ll be there for you, no matter what and be whatever you need, and once we get home we can do anything you want” Maria said holding Natalia close._

“How are you doing today Natalia?” Dr. Jones asked, it was a soft question to get her to open up, to start the conversation on her own, to offer up something for them to talk about. Usually Natalia would just shrug but stay silent before Dr. Jones would start working on the deprogramming by saying trigger phrases or words and work from there. Sometimes Dr. Jones used pictures to try to trigger a reaction and most of the time despite Natalia trying not to react she would. She watched as Dr. Jones sat down in her chair, she knew that Dr. Jones was only trying to help her and according to Maria she was the best.

 

_“Natalia” Maria said holding her close outside in the hallway before the parted to their individual appointments. “I know trusting anyone is hard but I want you to try to trust Dr. Jones, she is only trying to help you. I know it hurts, and she is bringing up things you’d never want to remember but we have to do this so we can be together. She is the best deprogrammer that SHIELD has and I made sure she got assigned your case.”_

_“I’ll try голубые глаза.”_

_“That is all I can ask” Maria said and had kissed her gently before leaving for the physical therapy floor._

 

Natalia let the words Maria said earlier run through her head and made a decision, she let herself relax into the couch and tucked her feet underneath her trying to get into the frame of mind of letting herself open up to the conversation “I am good.”

 

She watched as Dr. Jones took in her posture and she smiled even more “It looks it, what changed?”

 

Natalia smiled for the first time in the office back at Dr. Jones. What had changed? Everything had changed in the last few months, “Everything has changed, but I guess it all comes down to this I think, no I know I found home.”

 

“Good, lets talk about home, what makes it home?”

 

Natalia took a moment to think of her answer trying to be honest “Family, is what makes it home. Maria is my mate, and seems to...love me unconditionally no matter my past or how awful I have been to her the last few months. Clint, Phil and Sharon, they are family not quite sure what they are but they mean everything to Maria and have not judged me no matter how much I deserve it.”

 

“Okay I want to do some word association today along these lines of thinking and see what happens. Remember you are safe here Natalia, nothing can hurt you. Are you ready to begin?”

 

“Hit me with it doc,” Natalia said relaxing further into the couch, no matter what she wasn’t going to fight the triggers this time.

 

“домой” said Dr. Jones and all hell broke out in her head.

 

 

* * *

 

_“Natalia what are you doing still up?” asked her father as he came into her room “If you don’t sleep Santa can’t come.”_

_“But I want to see him Papa,” she said as she sat next to the window watching the snow falling from an almost blacked out sky._

_“I know you do princess but it is time for good girls to go to sleep, Nikolai is already in bed like a good boy,” he said as bent down to look her in the eyes. His gray eyes met hers and he smiled gently towards her. Papa was a big man with short cropped hair and a beard that tickled her when would give her kisses. Her Papa was a handsome man or so her mother always said as he crouched in his uniform._

_“Just a few more minutes Papa?” she asked smiling back at him and watched as he chuckled and kissed her forehead._

_“Natalia Alianovna Romanova, Papa said it was time for bed” her Mama said from the doorway using her full name to let her know it was time to listen. She watched as her Mama’s long red hair cascaded around her shoulders as she stood in a green dress that was the same color of her eyes._

_“Yes Mama” Natalia said as she slowly climbed into her bed and under the covers as both her parents sat at the edge of her bed and leaned in to give her kisses._

_“Get some sleep Princess, and when you wake next Santa will have come and left you presents.”_

_“Promise Papa?”_

_“I promise, now sweet dreams” Papa said giving her one last kiss._

_“Love you Natalia” her Mama said as she handed Natalia her stuffed dog._

_“Love you Mama” she said as she burrowed underneath the covers and closed her eyes like a good girl._

* * *

_A loud noise woke her and she could hear shouting downstairs she hid under her bed afraid and hoped Papa, Mama or Nikolai would come soon because she was scared. The noises suddenly stopped and soon her door opened and she tried to make herself as little as possible._

_“Natalia?” she heard whispered and she rolled from under the bed and saw Nikolai looking for her._

_“Niki, what’s happening?” she cried as she ran into the arms of her older brother as he picked her up and she noticed that he was hurt and that he had a few of his knives on his belt as if he were going to go hunting with Papa._

_“I don’t know but I need you to be very quiet okay?” he asked and she nodded to him. “Good now I want you to put your coat and shoes on” he said putting her down and going to the door and glancing out of it._

_Natalia quickly put her coat and shoes on and then went over to Nikolai and reached for his hand. Nikolai squeezed her hand before he lifted her back up and swung her onto his back. “Hold onto me and don’t let go” he ordered as he slowly made his way through the door into the dark hallway._

_They made it to the tiny back stairs that use to be servant stairs that led to the kitchen as Nikolai slowly creeped down them but as soon as they made it to the kitchen a loud bang was heard as Nikolai grunted as his hands dropped from supporting her weight and she watched as one of the knives from his waist and went towards the corner of the kitchen and was followed by a loud thud._

_“Natalia I need you to let go” he whispered as he dropped to his knees. She quickly let go and dropped to her feet as she came around to look at her brother. His eyes were filled with pain as he pressed his hand up against his stomach but with his other hand he unbuckled one of his knives and handed it to her. “Take this and I want you to run to the old creek I showed you this last summer. If anyone tries to stop you I want you to use this like I showed you. If Mama or Papa don’t come get you by morning go to Uncle’s house and he will take care of you. Can you do that for me?”_

_“Niki aren’t you coming with me?” she whispered tears in her eyes as she fought to not make any noise._

_“Not this time сестренка,” he said brushing her tears from her cheek “I love you, now go” he said pushing her towards the back door as he struggled up to his feet as the sound of shouting came from the front of the house. Natalia watched as her brother stood drawing out two knives from his belt before he took a breath and disappeared towards the front of the house._

_Natalia turned and made her way slowly through back door but before she could get through the door she was grabbed from behind around the waist by a big arm that squeezed her so tight it hurt. Without thought she did what Nikoli told her to do and pulled out knife from it’s sheath and stabbed the man in the arm and as he let go she twisted in his arms and stabbed him in the neck. Pulling out the knife again she ran outside only to be tackled into the snow by another large body and fought as she tried to get away._

_A snap was heard as blinding pain was felt in the arm that was holding the knife as it broke. She cried out as rough hands flipped her over making her arm hit the cold hard ground and as big fists started to beat her. “Stop!” a man shouted and the fists stopped “Bring her, this one has spunk even though she is young, she already has her first kill. She will be a good candidate for the reeducation program.”_

_Natalia felt her body being lifted by the back of her coat and hauled over a shoulder before the world went black._

 

 


	11. The Littlest Natalia, Tag and Scooby Doo

Maria had come up on the 3 ½ mile mark when it happened. A sudden pain flashing across the bond, as it was violently ripped wide open from Natalia’s end that brought Maria to her knees on the treadmill as she barely managed to pull the emergency rip cord. She still almost face planted on the rapidly slowing tread but was able to drop her arms in an attempt to protect her head. Ears ringing as she slowly slid off the treadmill she fought pass the panic that was clawing away at her chest and made her vision blur. Closing her eyes she fought to focus on the bond as she sent her love through it trying to calm and reassure Natalia before she dragged them both down in her panic.

 

Slowly the ringing in her ears stopped and was replaced by Sharon talking into her phone to either Phil or Clint by the partial conversation she was hearing. Shaking her head she took a deep breath before she opened her eyes and the world swam in front of her but she had to get up. Natalia needed her and she didn’t need to hear the one sided conversation to know it. No, she could feel her mates child like panic and knew that something had triggered her into a full blown Natalia episode, the aspect of her personality that was very much a child and something had scared the shit out her.

 

Crawling over to the bench a few feet from her she used it to slowly push herself upright and took another deep breath. Slowly she got her feet flat on the ground using the bench for balance before she used it to pull herself up. Distantly she could hear Sharon tell her to _“sit the fuck back down”_ but she ignored it as she pulled the mask of Commander Hill onto her face. Pushing away all the external pain she felt from her fall on the treadmill, while internally still letting her love through the bond. Once she felt the mask in place she grabbed the cane and quickly made her way to the door.

 

She wanted to run down the corridor to her mate but she knew if she even tried it she would have ended up face first. So instead she was methodically walking as fast as she could with the cane down the corridor to head to the elevator. Sharon barely made it in the elevator before the doors closed but she just said “Commander Maria Hill, emergency protocol Delta, drop to floor 2.”

 

“Damn it Maria warn a girl will yeah” Sharon yelped as the elevator dropped five floors in a matter of seconds and the doors opened.

 

“My initiating the protocol was your warning” Maria said briefly glancing at Sharon as she walked out and made it over to Dr. Jones office. The secretary saw her and Maria could she the woman visibly relax at the sight of her, which was another indication this wasn’t going to be good. She came across Clint who stood outside a doorway with Dr. Jones who was holding a towel to a cut across her forehead. Phil was in the doorway crouched low and talking in hushed tones but from this angle Maria could not yet see Natalia.

 

“Dr. Jones, what was the trigger this time?” Maria asked never taking her eyes from the doorway. Part of her wanted to rush in there but she knew she needed information and do this right or she would make it worse.

 

“домой, home” she answered and Maria bit back an oath.

 

“The russian word had to be the trigger because we’ve said home in front of her plenty of times. Any idea what it did?”

 

“I think it triggered a flashback, I’m not sure. It was all in russian but she did use the words Mama, Papa and said the name Niki. Other than that I won’t know till she is calm enough to talk but she won’t let anyone near her.”

 

Maria nods, “Thanks Doc, Hawkeye can you and Agent 13 take her upstairs to get the cut stitched up and take the secretary with you.”

 

“Got it boss,” he said not arguing as he escorted the doctor away. Maria felt Sharon put a hand on her shoulder and squeeze before she also followed. Taking a deep breath she walked the rest of the way towards the doorway and now could only see the top of Natalia's hair hiding in a corner between the couch and the wall.

 

Soft whimpering cries and the rocking back and forth motion cemented the belief that the memory triggered and even younger response from her mates child persona than ever before. Sighing she wished she could get her hands on one of the people that did this to her mate so she could strangle and beat them but she pushed that need away and locked it up. She needed to be calm, loving and in control to get her tiny scared mate to calm down.

 

Lightly she tapped Phil on the shoulder to let him know that she was there and taking over, he nodded and slowly backed away from the door. Maria lowered herself with a hand on the cane and another on Phil's shoulder as she knelt in the doorway. She could see wide green eyes staring at her watching her.

 

“дорогая can you understand me?” she gently asks as Phil completely retreats down the hall but she knows he won’t go far. He’ll stay and watch their backs making sure no one sees this moment, though it will go in a SHIELD psych report later at least for now it is private. A nod of the head is her answer as eyes follow her movements. Good at least a part of the grown up Natalia is there buried deep but still there because she understands english.

 

“дорогая is it okay if I come into the room with you, I will sit against this wall” Maria says tapping the wall across from Natalia’s hiding spot “and we will talk, is that okay?” She waits minutes as her mate studies her with green eyes that seem to innocent but she knows must have seen a horror to look that frightened.

 

Slowly Natalia nods and Maria slowly crawls into the room leaving her cane in the hallway. Maria moves to the corner of the wall and leans into it, ignoring for now the pain she is feeling in her leg, she is pushing it away and masking it for now and will pay for it later but it doesn’t matter now, all that matters is the woman in front of her.

 

“дорогая do you know who I am?” Maria asks and a shake of the head sends a stab to her heart but she ignores it. Gently she smiles before she lets the love she feels through the bond increase and watches Natalia’s face as her eyes widen. “Now do you know who I am, малютка?”

 

A nod and tear filled green eyes was answer enough as Maria opened her arms to receive the tiny woman into her lap. Maria pressed a kiss to the top of her mates head as she held her tight. A tear stained face is buried into her neck and she can feel fresh tears against her skin.

 

Maria feels Natalia’s emotional pain as her own and she rocks the woman and hums “Baby of Mine” from the movie Dumbo. She can feel Natalia’s recognition of the tune so she keeps humming hoping it will bring comfort, calm, anything but the heart wrenching sorrow and fear she still feels coming in waves from the woman in her arms.

 

Long minutes pass before Natalia starts humming along with her but Maria can tell her emotions are still wild, so she keeps humming. Slowly the tears stop but still Maria holds the woman tightly in her arms. Natalia keeps humming but Maria stops as she starts whispering “I love you, дорогая. I am here, no one can hurt you when I am near you” over and over again she says it. It is a promise she plans on keeping to the woman who seen way too much, way too early in life.

 

Natalia is still humming and soon she starts playing with the necklace of Maria’s dog tags. In her rush she hadn’t gotten dressed back into her regular clothes from her workout outfit and that had a distinct lack of anything for Natalia’s fidgety hands to play with. Chuckling she kissed her mates forehead before reaching for the hand that was playing with the necklace. “I sorry,” Natalia whispers against Maria’s neck.

 

“You never had to be sorry for being human, дорогая. I will always be here for you” Maria says as she places a kiss to the top of her mates head and watches as Natalia starts playing with their fingers against her chest.

 

“How old are you?” she asks she has an idea but wants to confirm it. Maria watches as Natalia pulls their hands apart and raises up all five fingers. She swallows the lump in her throat, she had been afraid that was the case when she heard what the trigger word was. “Five, wow. You are already such a big girl.”

 

“You don’t have to, but do you want to tell me what scared you?” Maria asks.

 

“монстр” is the whispered answer that causes a spike of fear again through the bond. She has an idea now what Natalia had seen in the flashback but she won’t push till little Natalia is back to being big Natalia.

 

“Ah, monsters. I understand дорогая but know that they can’t get you here. I promise. My friends and I fight the monsters and they are afraid of us.”

 

“Promise?” she asks as young green eyes finally look up into her blue eyes.

 

“I promise. Are you hungry?” she chuckles after hearing Natalia’s stomach rumbling as she buries her face again against Maria’s neck and her heart melts because this shy version of little Natalia is adorable. “How bout we get up and you can meet my monster fighting friends. Then we can go somewhere the monster are afraid to go and we can eat and watch cartoons today. How does that sound?”

 

“Good,” Natalia whispers against her neck and Maria gives her another hug.

 

“Okay well my first friend that fights monsters is right outside the room is it okay he comes in?” she waits for the nod against her neck. “Phil?” she calls out knowing he had been listening in but trying to give them some privacy. As he comes in the room he crouches down to eye level of them and smiles gently and Maria is once again thankful for her family being there for not only her but also Natalia.

 

* * *

 

Maria watched from the rocking chair on the porch as Natalia squealed in delight as Clint caught her around the middle and tickled her in their game of tag. Clint had volunteered to play with Natalia outside while Phil and Sharon had fixed lunch for the five of them. She knew that Clint didn’t quite have a great childhood but when the little Natalia personality came out to play he seemed to almost childlike in his own responses to her.

 

Smiling at the scene before her she quickly took a picture with the camera in her lap, she knew these were excellent blackmail photos for later but knew they would instead end up in the “Family” album that she kept. They were spies, thieves and assassins and these type of moments were precious to all of them. She heard the door open and saw Phil come out wiping his hands on a kitchen towel that went back over his shoulder. Even Phil’s face softened when he watched the antics of their two mates.

 

“Amazing isn’t it?” Maria asked.

 

“Yes it is” Phil said and leant against the wall watching the two chase each other around the yard. “They are good for each other, but you do know they are going to be trouble once we all get back on rotation?”

 

“I have lost a few moments of sleep over it” she deadpanned and heard him chuckle. They fell into a comfortable silence with smiles on their faces before the door opened again and Sharon came out. Sharon looked at the two of them rolled her eyes but stayed on the porch till Clint came running by. In an instant Sharon had jumped off the porch landing on Clint’s back and tackled him to the ground and with Natalia’s help was tickling the archer mercilessly. Laughter filled the yard and the porch and Maria felt a sense of peace and happiness and wasn’t quite sure if it was hers, Natalia or both of their feelings.

 

Sighing Maria grabbed her cane and stood up feeling the dull ache of pain she was still blocking and masking from Natalia. Phil looked to her “Go sit down at the table, I’ll get you a pain pill and get these monsters cleaned up” he said before turning to the yard and yelling, “Alright lunch time, go get washed up. Sharon can you help Natalia please.”

 

* * *

 

Lunch had been a loud affair of funny faces and laughter as Clint’s childlike behavior and Sharon acting like an older disgruntled sister had slowly dragged Natalia out of her shell. But now they were all on couches in the large living room watching one of Maria’s secret vices: Scooby doo cartoons, she couldn’t help but get absorbed in the antics of Scooby and the gang.

  
At the moment thought Maria was the only one still awake as she laid against one of the couch arms her legs stretched out with Natalia between them she had fallen asleep with her side pressed against Maria’s chest with a thumb in her mouth as she gently sucked it in her sleep. Maria slowly  carded her fingers through red hair as she silently sat there committing the scene to memory. Sharon was on one couch by herself, one arm thrown over her face as she lightly snored. While Clint and Phil somehow were squished together on a loveseat that honestly looked like it was going to collapse under the combine assault of both of their weights. Slowly Maria’s eyes closed and let herself relax in the feeling of love and contentment that was drifting around the room.


	12. 1912 and other information

The steady beat of a heart in her ear and the realization that her thumb was still in her mouth greeted Natalia as she woke up from a peaceful sleep. Looking around she could see everyone asleep on couches and could hear their gentle breaths as they continued to sleep on. Blinking once, then twice she slowly came back to herself as she felt her younger self slide back into her head and her main personality to take control.

 

It was the first few moments back from being Little Natalia or Widow that were the hardest for her but she didn’t want to wake Maria instead she concentrated on the bond feeling the constant feeling of love she felt from her mate trying to anchor herself in this moment as Natalia. She was Natalia the mate of Maria, she was loved, she had a slightly dysfunctional family but it was hers and she was beginning to love them as well.

 

Taking a deep breath, she removed her thumb from her mouth as she breathed in the scent of her mate. Slowly she stretched taking stock of her body, at least it seemed she didn’t have any new injuries. It was always a chance when one of the two extreme personalities took over, with Widow it was almost a guarantee but Little Natalia had done some crazy things as well.

 

Sighing she sat up and looked back towards Maria and watched as she slept and wondered how her mate put up with all the shit she put her through. Maria shifted slightly in her sleep and pain flashed through the bond coming from her mate. Natalia quickly looked for any sign of injury on the other woman and noticed that Maria’s knee was swollen again, knowing she must have injured it when Natalia had her flashback and the bond probably ripped wide open in her panic.

 

It had only been this morning that they had finally completed the physical side of their bond, that Natalia stopped fighting it and accepted that Maria loved her no matter what she did. _‘Oh голубые глаза why do you put up with me?’_ she thought not for the first time since she met Maria but felt the love in the bond increase again, even in her sleep Maria was reassuring her.

 

Getting an ice-pack and a towel from the kitchen she came back and gently lifted Maria’s leg up, placing a pillow underneath it to get it elevated. Wrapping the ice-pack in the towel she placed it gently on Maria’s knee. Sitting back down she was careful not to wake Maria as she watched her sleep.

 

Natalia could remember this mornings therapy session but it was almost like it happened to someone else and in theory it did. Rubbing at her face she pinched the bridge of her nose as her mind tried to reconcile the new memories. Every new memory that was unlocked was always in vivid detail as if it only just happened, and not like it happened years ago. After a while some of the memories faded in their vividness but not all of them had and this one she was sure was going to be one of the ones that stuck.

 

At least it was Little Natalia that had taken over and not Widow this time. Though sometimes it was hard for her to let go of being Little Natalia because in the mind of her Little things were simple and it was almost too easy to lose the herself in the innocence and playfulness that she felt when she was that persona. Just like it was easy to lose herself in the clinical coldness, darkness and silent rage that was the Black Widow. They were two different sides of a coin with only a small sliver of who she wanted to be trying to balance them out.

 

So lost in thought she didn’t realize Maria had woken up till she felt a warm hand in her own. Looking up green eyes met blue and Natalia felt herself smile at her mate. “Thank you” she whispered as she squeezed Maria’s hand trying to convey everything she felt through the bond, through her eyes and through just the simplest of touches.

 

Natalia watched as Maria smiled back at her before pulling her down next to her on the couch. Hesitating for only a moment she carefully placed her head against Maria’s chest as one hand went over her heart. “I will always be here for you, малютка. No matter what you need me to be. If that’s as your lover, friend, sparring partner, partner in crime, or even as a parental figure for when your little comes out...I’ll be here because I love you.”

 

“I love you too голубые глаза.”

 

Long fingers started running through her hair and a kiss was placed on her head. They laid like for a few moments before Maria said, “I can feel you thinking. Do you want to talk about it малютка?”

 

“I saw when they took me,” she whispered as the memory replayed in the back of her head. “When we first met you said I was only five?”

 

“As far as the records that we were able to obtain on you,” she said as her hands kept moving in her hair. “And your little this time said she was that old.”

 

“Then the memory is most likely real, my brother died protecting me and most likely the people who were my parents. It was also my first kill, I was only a child…” Natalia whispered as her face pressed into Maria’s chest as silent tears shook her whole body.

 

Maria pulled her closer one hand in her hair and the other stroking her back. “It’s okay малютка. I got you малютка, let it all out” was whispered into the top of her head as gentle kisses were pressed to her hair.

 

“Why did they protect me? Why was I so important?” she asked sometime later as she held onto Maria trying not to lose herself in the memory that still played in her head in vivid detail.

 

“You were their family and they were going to protect you no matter what. It is what a family does. We protect our own no matter what the cost to ourselves” Maria said.

 

“It seems so long ago...but I can see it like it happened just hours ago” she said before closing her eyes watching the memory play out on the back of her eye lids. She felt the gentle reassurance of Maria’s love through the bond, the hand pressed to her back holding her tight and for the first time the memory didn’t threaten to drag her under. Watching it she took in the details and had the distinct impression that this memory was older than they thought she was physically. It didn’t make sense but she knew this was her but the architecture, the lighting the uniforms were all wrong…

 

Opening her eyes she sat up and looked up into blue eyes that looked at her in concern. “If I describe the uniform my father wore can you possibly tell me what era it is from…” she whispered scared what they were going to find but taking a deep breath she started to describe the uniform her father had worn.

* * *

 Maria listened as Natalia described the uniform the man she believed was her father wore in her memory. The description confirming something she had started to suspect months ago when she had watched Widow punch solid steel and leave a dent with only a broken wrist to answer for it. Images flashed in her mind as her almost eidetic memory started to filter through the information and came to a conclusion.

 

“In the memory did your father smell like anything?” Maria asked and watched as confusion came across Natalia’s face but her mate closed her eyes and Maria knew she was watching the memory again.

 

“Hay like it was a smell that stuck to his skin because in my memory his uniform was spotless. It was a dress uniform like he was going somewhere important,” she said opening her eyes. Green eyes looked into blue waiting for her to say something.

Instead Maria pulled her mate into her arms again and held her for a few moments thinking of a way to say what needed to be said. “I’m not going to like it am I?” asked her mate.

 

“Your father was a Cavalry Officer during WW1. My best guess is that your memory is from near the end of the war when the Revolution swept across the nation and a lot of officers that were loyal to the royal family or distant relations of the royal family were murdered. Your last name Romanova could mean that you were a distant relation to the royal family or that your father was so highly respected by someone in the family that he was ‘adopted’ into the family.”

 

Maria felt the shock ripple through her mate but kept going “If you were five years old when you were taken and most of the murders happened during the winter of 1917 and 1918 which means you were born in 1912 or 1913 at latest.”

 

Moments passed and Maria just kept running her fingers in Natalia’s hair and rubbing her back as she laid against her in shock. She could feel her mate thinking through it, trying to make sense of the information and so she stayed quiet.

 

“It was christmas eve..” she whispered and Maria felt the silent shaking tears her mate cried as she pressed her face into her chest.  

 

“1912 then, which makes you a very beautiful 86 years old this year. It doesn’t change a thing about how I feel about you малютка. You are still mine, my mate” Maria said as she pulled Natalia closer one hand in her hair and the other stroking her back. “It’s okay малютка. I got you малютка, let it all out” was whispered as she pressed gentle kisses to the top of her mates head.

 

She sensed when Natalia slipped back into Little Natalia and she started to hum “Baby of Mine” again. Soon the shaking tears stopped replaced by the gentle sensation of her mate sleeping against her chest. Looking down into the sleeping face of the woman she loved her thumb was once again in her mouth as she slept.

 

Maria kept humming as her hands slowly carded through Natalia’s hair trying to think of all she needed to look into with the new information. The best way of putting Natalia back together, of breaking the programming and becoming someone she wanted to be was with even more information. She knew it was going to be a long road ahead of them when Natalia had come into her life broken but oh so beautiful.

 

It hurt Maria deep down inside to see her mate like this but it was what Natalia wanted. She wanted a second chance, she wanted to be with Maria and to get that she was walking through hell but Maria would be there with her every step of the way.

* * *

 Clint woke to a sticky dry feeling on his face and rubbed at it realizing it was his own drool. _‘Ugh, we must have fell asleep again on the couch’_ he thought as he opened his eyes and looked around. Phil was still asleep underneath him, his steady breathing was warm against the top of his head.

 

Careful to not wake Phil trying to sit up he almost fell off the loveseat and onto the floor but he quickly grabbed the back of the loveseat. Taking a deep breath he stood up and felt muscles protest and stretch as he lifted his hands above his head and twisted.

 

Biting back a yawn he looked around the living room, Sharon was asleep on her stomach on the couch snoring lightly while Maria and Natalia were on another couch. Maria was awake and looking at him with amusement in her eyes and he couldn’t resist the urge to flip her off. “Had a good nap little brother?” she chuckled quietly.

 

“Yes I did,” he whispered as he moved closer to her and saw Natalia asleep against her chest. “How is she?”

 

“She woke up for a little bit and was Natalia again. After we talked about what she saw though and we figured out some things she went back to being Little Natalia” she said and Clint watched her as she continued to run her fingers through Natalia’s hair.

 

“That is understandable,” he said stretching again “whatever she saw had her frightened, poor kid.”

 

Maria looked at him for a moment before saying “She saw when they took her, she was only five years old Clint. She watched as her older brother died protecting her, from what she told me her parents probably also died that night and it was when she had made her first kill. It was to protect herself trying to escape from the men sent to kill her but instead they decided to turn her into what she is now.”

 

He watched as Maria fought her own emotions as she told him what Natalia had gone through and carefully he bent down and placed a kiss to Maria and Natalia’s foreheads. “I think I am going to get these two lazy bums behind me up and we will get dinner started.”

 

“Be nice to your sister, if you two wake Natalia with your fighting I’ll kick both of your asses.”

 

“Yes Ma’m” he said giving her a cheeky grin and the one finger salute before he turned around went to go wake the others.

 

Going back to the loveseat he leaned down and gently kissed his mate on the lips. Smirking he felt Phil start to kiss him back and try to pull him down on top of him but he quickly pulled away and heard Phil whimper “Tease.”

 

Clint chuckled and leaned back down giving Phil another kiss. “Time to wake up sleepy head. We need to make dinner,” he whispered against Phil’s lips watching as gray eyes opened and for a moment he got lost in them. A pillow to the back of his head knocked him into Phil and he chuckled as his mate pulled him back down on top of him and kissed him.

 

“Ugh you two get a room,” said Sharon from her couch. Clint chuckled as he looked over to Sharon and blew a raspberry at her.

* * *

Sharon rolled her eyes as she sat up on the couch and stretched ignoring the raspberry being blown at her. Getting up she made her way over to Maria and Natalia to checked on her two patients. She noticed that Maria had her leg elevated on top of a pillow. “How’s the knee?” she asked lifting off the wrapped ice pack on top of the knee but it still looked swollen.

 

“I wont be running a marathon tomorrow” Maria quipped at her being a smart ass.

 

“I’m surrounded by smart asses” Sharon said as she rolled her eyes going into the kitchen. Getting another ice pack out of the freezer and a pain pill she brought them back and made sure Maria took the pill. “Keep it as still as possible Sis,” she said as she placed the ice pack on Maria’s knee. “Now how’s the little one doing?” Sharon asked as she heard Phil and Clint starting dinner in the kitchen.

  
  


“She woke up for a while and was herself but after discussing what she saw she went back into her little persona. I’d rather her feel safe at the moment and if her little gives her that than that is fine with me.”

 

“That is understandable” Sharon said as she went to sit on the arm of the couch.

 

“I need you to do me a favor. Can you please get me all files we have on the Black Widow program all they way back to its founding. All files we have on the Russian Revolution and who were the players in it politically and the spooks….” Maria said and paused and Sharon knew the next part she was debating on sharing “Also I need any files on all Cavalry officers from WW1 and files on the Russian Royal Family.”

 

“You don’t ask for much,” Sharon said as looked at Maria and knew to get that information she would have to ask Fury and possibly her Aunt.

 

“I know you will probably have to get them from Fury and your Aunt but I need to see if I can find any more information for Natalia’s sake. She remembered when they took her, as far as we can tell she was born in 1912. We need to figure out what the hell they gave her.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
